Big Fake Smiles and Stupid Lies
by Blue Penguin Lightning
Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love? Read with caution...not for everyone. Deals with self-injury/cutting.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

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><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

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><p>Author's Note: So, I've never written in the fandom before and I don't know how this is going to turn out but I hope you enjoy it.<p>

Reviews are friends (and they also entitle the reviewer to a free preview of the next chapter!)

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 1<span>**

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><p>It had been raining for the last twenty-seven minutes. Jade had been walking in that storm for the last twenty-five minutes, leaving her entirely soaked from head to toe. Even the make-up on her face was somewhat faded and running down in long streaks.<p>

Jade pulled her jacket tighter, while trying to keep herself warm among other things. She continuously rubbed her arms up and down, which most would see as someone trying to stay warm, when in reality, it was something entirely different. She needed to keep her clothes from sticking to her body and not because of the rain.

As she got closer to Beck's house, she let out a sigh of relief. She was almost there and just a little further away from _him_. Every step took her further and that's all that mattered. She knocked on Beck's trailer door. Normally, she would just break in and enter but she didn't have the energy to do so. The last hour had been nothing short of taxing on the teenager. When Beck opened the door, he was more than just surprised to see Jade standing next to his trailer in the rain.

"Jade?"

"I didn't know where else to go," she whispered.

Beck quickly ushered his girlfriend inside his trailer and out of the rain. She set her bag down as soon as she set foot in the door and crumpled to the floor. In short, Jade was exhausted and it was only in front of Beck that she would ever show this.

He grabbed the blanket on his bed and draped it over Jade. He had no idea how long she had been in the rain or even what caused her to walk, considering she had a car and loved driving it at night. Everything about this situation was wrong and Beck knew it but he couldn't figure out how it had gotten this way.

"Jade, what happened?"


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

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><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

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><p>Author's Note: So, little bombshell in this chapter but there's some fluff too. I hope you enjoy it. (Also, I was astounded by the response I got from chapter 1; you guys are awesome!)<p>

Reviews are friends (and they also entitle the review to a free preview of the next chapter!)

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 2<span>**

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><p>Jade shook her head again, despite Beck repeating the same over and over again. Jade didn't want to talk about it. It was as simple as that, at least in her mind at was. Beck's was another story. Jade didn't go wandering the streets in the middle of the night without cause.<p>

By almost two in the morning, Beck finally realized that he wasn't going to get through to her. He grabbed one of his shirts and a pair of baggy sweat pants out and handed them to Jade.

"Beck, seriously?"

"These are dry and you need out of those wet clothes. You'll get sick. And you're no fun when you're sick."

"I'm fine."

"Jade-"

"I said I'm fine!" she shouted. "Do I need to make a sign and hammer it to my head for you? I'm fine!"

"I mean, it's not every day you come over to my place at midnight, in the middle of a storm, without an umbrella. What happened? You sit on my floor and you won't tell me a thing. We tell each other everything."

"Look, I don't want to talk about it, okay?"

Beck let the subject drop for the time being. He knew better than anyone that if Jade didn't want to talk about something, she wasn't going to talk about it. There was only so much that Beck could force onto her.

"Do you want me to make you some coffee?" he asked.

"No." Her voice was void of any kind of emotion.

Beck was shocked. "No coffee? Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not okay! Happy now? Is that what you really wanted to hear?"

That was the first real answer Beck had gotten out of her but it still told him nothing.

"You don't want to talk about it, do you?"

Jade shook her head. She didn't want to keep reliving the moment over and over again. She didn't want to hear the yelling or feel the disappointment she had earlier. She just wanted everything to go away.

"Will you lay with me on the bed?" she asked.

"You're going to get me soaking wet by the time we wake up in the morning," Beck pointed out.

"I'm okay with that," Jade replied. She snuggled up closer to him and pulled the blanket he had provided her with even tighter.

"Of course you are. Did you want to take your jacket off? You might get uncomfortable sleeping in it all night."

Jade shook her head. She was perfectly content with what she was in and would be even more so once in Beck's arms. She patted where she wanted Beck to go and then proceeded to lay on him once situated.

"Comfy?" he asked.

"Yes."

Jade was out asleep in no time at all. Perhaps being badgered with the same question over and over again wore her down. Perhaps it was the events that transpired before she got to Beck's. Whatever the reason was, it didn't show while she slept. Jade looked peaceful and calm but Beck knew she wasn't, not with the way she had been acting.

Now, Beck wasn't one to snoop but he needed answers. What had Jade so wound up? He was used to Jade having momentary fits of anger but then she would usually calm down. But it had been almost three hours since she came to his place and she was still upset.

He grabbed the ruler lying next to the bed and used it to reach Jade's purse. Maybe her cell phone had some answers. Using the ruler, Beck pulled Jade's purse closer to the bed. Once he got it to the bed, he used the ruler to pick the purse up by its handles, knowing that if he moved, Jade would more than likely wake up and he didn't want that.

As he bent down the side to pick up Jade's purse to find her phone, he lost his grip on it, causing all the contents inside to spill out. His heart sunk when he saw an open pocketknife with dried blood on the blade and handle fall onto the floor.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

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><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

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><p>Author's Note: So here's to the longest chapter yet! I don't know how it'll perceived but I had one reader really seem to like it so I'm hoping the rest of you will too.<p>

Reviews are friends (and they also entitle the review to a free preview of the next chapter!)

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 3<span>**

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><p>Beck didn't know what to make of the knife that fell from Jade's purse. If it had been a pair of scissors, Beck wouldn't really have thought anything of it. Jade was fascinated with scissors and had been for as long as he could remember. But a knife with dried blood…Beck couldn't get his heart to stop racing. He looked at Jade and couldn't help but wonder. Gently and slowly, he lifted Jade up just enough so that he could slip out from underneath her.<p>

He placed Jade's purse by the bed and picked up the knife. It was such a small thing but it was causing him so much terror. Beck wanted so hard to believe that Jade wasn't cutting herself but he couldn't entirely dismiss it either. He placed the knife beside the bed and tried to figure out how he was going to deal with this if it was true. What he needed was answers because the constant pondering wasn't going to do him any good. At least he wouldn't have to wait too long. Jade was an early riser, regardless of how much sleep she had. As soon as the sun started to rise, Jade was awake.

"I love you," she said softly, running her hands through Beck's hair.

"I love you too."

"What are you doing on the floor?"

"Nothing. Can you tell me why you really came over here?" he tried, changing subjects immediately. He couldn't wait any longer for answers.

Jade didn't particularly want to but she couldn't keep all the answers away from Beck. She didn't want him prying into her life and badgering her like he did last night.

"Because my Dad kicked me out of the house and told me to never come back."

"What did you do?"

"I'd rather not discuss it. My Dad is…he's-"

"I know your Dad's cold and judgmental-"

"You forget to mention he doesn't like me. He never has."

"Why didn't you go to your mom's house then?"

"Are you saying you don't want me here?"

"Not at all. Just usually when you and your Dad fight, you go to her house, especially if it's the middle of the night."

"Because she's off on some stupid safari in the middle of Africa for the next two months and I hate being in that house alone. You know that. Can I take you up on that cup of coffee now?"

Beck smiled. Jade couldn't resist coffee. Coffee could keep her in line and they both knew it.

"Can we talk about something else first?"

Jade shrugged her shoulders. Beck took a deep breath. This was hard for him to have to ask and if it was true, he couldn't even start to imagine how Jade might react. But he needed to know.

"Jade, can you explain this to me?"

He grabbed the knife off the headboard railing of the bed and showed it to Jade. Jade's heart stopped. Beck wasn't supposed to find it.

"I'm going to ask you this flat out, so please don't lie to me because I need to know the truth right now."

Jade didn't want him to ask the question that she knew was coming. She got up, flung her bag over her shoulders, only to have Beck wrap his arms around her to the point where she couldn't move. He guided her down to the floor. To his surprise, she didn't fight back.

"Beck, don't," she whispered.

Despite the pain and fear laced within Jade's voice, Beck knew he had to do this. With one arm draped across Jade's chest, he pulled up the sleeve of her jacket and shirt, only to see what he feared most.

Thin marks littered Jade's arm. Some darker, some lighter, some even crisscrossed each other, and some were now scars while others had been reopened. Judging by the different shades on her skin, Jade had been doing this for quite some time. Beck ran his hand along her arm. Jade had her eyes closed. She never wanted to reveal this to Beck or for him to even find out.

"Please stop." Jade was close to crying at this point. He pulled her sleeves down and dropped his arms. Jade brought her knees up to her chest and laid her head down on them, obviously shaken. Beck knew. He moved closer and Jade wrapped her arms tighter. He could hear Jade softly crying and it was difficult for Beck to swallow. He never wanted to hurt Jade. He wrapped his arms around his girlfriend and slowly started to rock her, for whatever reason he couldn't understand but if nothing else than to provide support. That's what Jade needed right now: support.

"I love you, Jade. Please don't forget that."

"I know you do but you're not supposed to know about this. This is my problem, not yours."

Beck shook his head. "We're in a relationship. We will deal with this together," he told her firmly even though he had no idea how to deal with it. He was still trying to process it but he needed to be strong right now.

"How long?"

"Beck-"

"How long?" he asked again, pausing between each word.

"A while," she said so softly that Beck could hardly hear her at all. Jade couldn't bring herself to tell Beck exactly how long she'd been cutting, even though she knew the answer. Having Beck know that she was cutting was harder than she thought. She thought he'd be angry and leave but instead, he stayed.

Beck picked up her knife and placed it in front of her. He needed Jade to let this go without completely taking it away from her. She had to be the one who ultimately made the decision.

"I'm going to let you hold this once but it has to be closed the entire time and once you hand it back to me, you will never hold it again. Do you understand that?"

Biting her lip, Jade nodded her head. Beck placed the knife in her hand and Jade gripped it tightly. She didn't want to let it go. Her knuckles started to turn white but Beck continued to wait.

"I love you," he whispered. "I love so, so much, okay?"

Upon hearing this, Jade threw her knife across the trailer in rage. It landed by the fish tank that Beck never cleaned. She looked at it, longed for it. She loved it, or rather she loved the relief it provided her with. Then she looked at Beck. He kept his arms wrapped around her and planted a small kiss on her cheek.

Beck had a long, difficult road ahead of him. But Jade's journey was going to longer and harder than anything she had done before and she wasn't sure if she would be able to do it, even with Beck's support.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

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><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

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><p>Author's Note: S,o we're back to short chapters. Well, this and chapter 5 were going to be one chapter but with everyone wanting me to update, I decided to split in two so you guys wouldn't have to wait as long.<p>

Reviews are friends (and they also entitle the review to a free preview of the next chapter!)

And you guys totally rock my world! I can't believe you guys like this so much!

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 4<span>**

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><p>Jade and Beck sat in silence throughout most of the morning.<p>

"Will you make me some coffee now? Please?" Jade asked.

"Sure," he replied. He grabbed the knife, not allowing Jade to even have a moment with it. She had made her choice and he was going to follow through with it for both hers and his sake. He also grabbed the clothes he had pulled last night and placed them in front of Jade. "Please change while I'm gone. You really shouldn't be in wet clothes."

"Fine. Two sugars!" she called as he walked out the door.

"I know what to do!"

Jade grabbed the shirt and pants Beck had tried to get to her to wear last night off the couch. Now that he knew everything, Jade didn't have to hide it anymore but she still hated the fact he knew. She had never been self-conscious until she put on Beck's short sleeved shirt. Wearing long sleeved shirts or jackets meant she never had to look at her scars; she never had to deal with them. Now they were on the forefront and she had to come to terms with them. She wanted to cover her arms when Beck came back. Even though he had seen them, it still bothered Jade to have them open.

"Coffee for the lady with two sugars," Beck stated, handing Jade her coffee.

"Thanks."

Beck sat down next to her. It was no lie that he was worried about Jade. He really wanted the more definitive answer of how long she had been cutting but Jade had been pushed enough this morning. Admitting it was one step. Admitting to stop was another.

"Will you stop staring at them? It's not going to make them go away," Jade snapped.

Beck hadn't even realized he was staring at her arms again but he couldn't help it. He wanted, needed to understand what was going through Jade's mind to drive her to that point.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked.

"How much you probably hate me right now."

"I don't hate you, Jade. I'm worried about you. I mean, do you understand why I'm so worried about you? I'm worried that-"

"I'm not suicidal Beck."

"Okay then, explain it to me. Why?"

"You don't understand how bad the stress is. I couldn't handle it. This makes it better. I don't know why it does, but it does, okay?"

It was a stupid reason in Beck's mind but for Jade, she'd been doing it so long the lie seemed real. This was just how it was. The cutting made life just a little easier for Jade to deal with.

"Give me your coffee."

"You love coffee."

"I want to marry coffee," she yawned.

"I think you might want to marry sleep right now," Beck pointed out.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Jade, you've had both yours and my cup of coffee and you're still yawning. You're exhausted. Go sleep," he told her.

Jade groaned. She hated it when Beck was right. She curled up on his couch, holding a coffee mug so she could enjoy the coffee aroma as she slept. But the moment she was out cold, Beck took the cup and placed it on his desk. He didn't want to risk Jade accidently breaking the cup and then using one of the shards to cut herself. He didn't even trust her with scissors and he wasn't sure how he was going to conquer that obstacle. Taking away Jade's knife was hard but scissors were going to be another battle entirely.

With Jade asleep, Beck grabbed his phone off his desk and sent out a mass text message to the gang. He needed help with Jade and she needed to know she didn't have to deal with this issue alone. People did care about her, even if she didn't realize it.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

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><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

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><p>Author's Note: Here's the next installment. How's Jade gonna deal with this?<p>

Reviews are friends (and they also entitle the review to a free preview of the next chapter!)

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><p><strong>Chapter 5<strong>

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><p>Not even five minutes after Beck sent out a text, he got responses from everyone except Trina, not that he was overly surprised. Trina was in New York for the summer, hoping to make it big. Robbie was interning at a puppetry theatre in Georgia thanks to an application that Rex put in for him. Nevertheless, it comforted Beck to know that people really did care about Jade, even if she was mean from time to time. It helped him to know that he wasn't alone in this uphill battle. He sent a text back to them, telling them to come over. This explanation couldn't be down over the phone.<p>

Jade jerked awake when she heard knocking at Beck's door.

"It's probably just Consuela. I'll have her come back later. Just go back to sleep," Beck told her. Okay, so it was a lie and Beck knew he shouldn't have been lying to Jade but he didn't want her knowing about this right now.

The moment Jade was asleep, Beck made his way over to his door and quietly opened it. Outside, André, Cat, and Tori were waiting outside.

"I need you to be quiet; Jade's finally sleeping," Beck explained.

"Where is she?" Tori asked.

Beck pointed to the couch were Jade was sleeping. Despite only being out for a few minutes, Jade's hair was already disheveled.

"Could you two keep an eye on her?" he asked. "And don't let her near the coffee mugs."

"Why?" Cat asked. "What's going on?"

Beck sighed. He didn't want to get into the explanation, not yet at least. "Because I need you to, okay?"

Tori and Cat both found Beck's answer a bit mysterious. Jade was perfectly capable of handling herself so why did Beck want them to watch her? Cat gasped when she saw the marks on Jade's arms.

"Beck-"

"Yeah, it's um…André, can I talk to you outside?" Beck asked. He needed to change the subject because he wasn't ready to go into everything. One person at a time. That was what's was going to be easiest on Beck. But the fact was none of this was easy for Beck. And none of it was easy for Jade either.

"Sure man."

André followed Beck outside, leaving Tori and Cat alone with Jade. Beck slumped down by his trailer as soon as the door was shut. Every time he thought about Jade and _this_, it was like a punch to the heart for him and each one hurt harder than the last.

"What's going on?" André asked.

Beck put his face in his hands and tried to compose himself. He felt like he was betraying Jade by telling this to André and eventually to Cat and Tori but Beck couldn't do everything on his own. As much as Jade needed support, he needed it too.

"Beck?"

"Jade's cutting herself," he said softly.

"What?"

"Please don't make me repeat it."

André sat down beside Beck.

"When did you find out?"

"This morning. I found the knife last night. She's got cuts all over her arms and I don't know if they're somewhere else but I'm not sure I want to know. She said she's been doing it a while but I can't get her to give me a length of time yet. André, I don't know what to do. I need your help."

"Whatever you need man, we'll all here for you and Jade."

It helped Beck to hear that. Thinking it was one thing but hearing the support behind the words made it seem so much more real.

"Get away from me," she shouted.

"Jade's awake," Beck stated.

"And she doesn't sound happy either," André added.

Beck and André made their way back inside, only to see a quite upset Jade staring at them from the couch.

"Are you having an intervention on me?" she demanded.

"Technically….yes."

"Beck-"

"Jade, don't start!"

"Why did you tell them?"

"They came over because they care and you need to realize that!" he shouted.

Then the reality of the situation hit her.

"They know?" she asked softly.

Beck nodded his head. She looked at each of them, hurt evident on her face. It was bad enough that Beck knew but now they all knew. They could all see it.

"We love you, Jade," Cat said.

"And we care about you too," Tori added.

Jade shook her head. Beck wrapped Jade into a hug. It wasn't long before Cat, Tori, and André joined in as well.

"Yes," Beck whispered.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

* * *

><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

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><p>Author's Note: Okay…I've got some bad news…it's about Jade…yeah…<p>

Reviews are friends (and they also entitle the review to a free preview of the next chapter!)

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><p><strong>Chapter 6<strong>

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><p>One week. Jade had been more and more on edge with each passing day. The first night she had been able to deal with everything without much incident. It was only one day. But as one day turned into two and three and eventually seven, Jade couldn't keep dealing with constant looks and questions and offers for help. Enough was enough for her. On evening number eight, shortly after everyone else left, Jade finally snapped.<p>

"I'm sick of this! I'm tired of being treated like I can't do anything!" Jade screamed. "I'm fine!"

"Why are you stressing out? I'm not asking you to do anything," Beck pointed out.

"You won't let me do anything! That's the problem! You won't let me hold scissors, you don't trust me alone, do I need to keep going? Do you think that just because there might be a sharp object near me that I'll just grab it and cut myself open with it?"

"Jade, I never said that."

"But you think about it, don't you? Don't you!"

Beck knew that regardless of the answer he would give, Jade would find some way to twist it around and he didn't want to give her that opportunity.

"You do. Beck, you…just forget it!" she shouted.

She grabbed her purse and slammed Beck's door on her way out. Beck wasn't overly worried when Jade stormed out. Sometimes, Jade needed time to calm down and that was exactly what Beck was giving her. Maybe this would be good for Jade. Maybe she would finally come to her senses. But Beck could only hope.

Jade wanted to scream when she left Beck's trailer. He just didn't get it! Jade starting walking even though she had no plan as to where to go. She didn't want to be near anybody, talk to anyone. She wanted to be alone. She heard her phone going off in her purse. Beck was trying to call her. Great. Just great. That was the last thing she needed. She pushed ignore on her phone and shoved it back in her purse. She didn't want to talk to anybody.

She continued walking until she came upon a drug store. Maybe there was hope after all, relief. She walked inside and purchased a disposable razor and a pair of scissors before continuing to walk to wherever she was going. When she found it, she would know. The further away she was from everyone and everything, the better it would be in the long run. She needed peace and quiet and _relief_.

She remembered that behind Cat's house was a large section of woods where Cat's brother liked to play hide and seek with the cops in. It would be the perfect place to be left alone. It was the perfect to think and calm down.

It was the perfect place to make all the stress go away.

She set her purse down by the tree and slid down against it. She needed to calm down. She needed to be able to control things again. She ripped the paper packaging off the scissors and just held the scissors for a moment before opening the package with the razor in it. She cut into the razor, trying to free the blade without make too much of a mess. A few minutes later, a pile of plastic was sitting beside her and she finally had what she wanted. With the blade in her hand, she took a deep breath. She needed to stress to go away. She needed to calm down. She placed the corner of blade right below her elbow and dragged down. Then, she did it with her left.

The release of blood was cathartic and put Jade at ease. She hadn't realized that not only had she cut too deep, she had created cuts that were much too long. Her head swayed back and forth for a few moments before finally resting against the tree. She felt lightheaded and dizzy and everything around her got blurry. She could faintly hear her cell phone ringing.

"Jade, I know you're out here! I can hear your phone!" Cat shouted. Jade could hear Cat coming closer but she was getting more lightheaded with the moment. She was losing a lot of blood and there was no way to stop it. Jade had never let it get this out of control before.

"Jade! Jade, are you okay?" Cat called.

Cat got no response.

"Cat, what's going on?"

"I found Jade. She's behind my house," Cat said. Then she saw something that she would never forget: the blood flowing freely from Jade's arms and pooling around her. "Beck, I gotta go."

She quickly ended the call and proceeded to dial 911. Jade needed medical attention immediately. By the looks of it, she had lost a lot of blood.

"Is this 911? I need an ambulance!"


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

* * *

><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Here's the longest chapter to date! I hope you guys enjoy it!<p>

Reviews are friends (and they also entitle the review to a free preview of the next chapter!)

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><p><strong>Chapter 7<strong>

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><p>Beck burst through the emergency room doors of the hospital. Cat was sitting in the lobby, her head in her hands and her knees to her chest. The image of Jade, unconscious and bleeding, was engraved in her mind and she couldn't get it out.<p>

"Cat, are you okay?" he asked, barely able to catch his breath. He ran three red lights on the way to the hospital and he still couldn't get his heart to stop racing.

Cat shook her head as she stared at the floor.

"Where's Jade?"

"I don't know. They took her through the doors as soon as we got here. Beck, it was bad, okay? Really, really bad," she cried into his shirt. All Beck could do was hug her because even he didn't know what to do. He felt horrible that Cat had been the one to find Jade. Cat was so sweet and innocent; she didn't need that horror in her mind.

It took Beck a good ten minutes to pull Cat off, which wasn't even successful in the end because Cat reattached herself as soon as Beck got her off. Beck understood that Cat and shaken because he was too but he needed to know something.

"Okay, come with me so we can figure out what's going on," he said. He pulled Cat up and made his way over to the reception counter. "I'm looking for Jade West."

"And you are?" the receptionist asked, obviously not caring. She continued to file her nails as if Beck didn't speak to her at all.

"He's her fiancé," Cat said.

Beck looked at Cat, obviously confused, but he let it slide. He would deal with it later. Right now, Beck just wanted some answers.

"Yeah…um…where is she?"

The receptionist rolled her eyes and sighed before starting her search in the computer.

"Looks like she's in the operating room. I'll let you know if it changes."

Beck sat back down, obviously frustrated with the receptionist. This was an emergency room! Staff should be just a little more considerate and helpful.

"Why did you lie to the receptionist?" Beck asked when they sat back down.

"Well, they only gonna let family in and fiancé pretty much counts as family in a hospital. I figured you'd want to see her as soon as possible."

"I want you to call Tori and André for me. Tell them what's going on and get them down here. Make sure you actually talk to them."

"Kay kay."

Beck slouched down in one of the seats as a sickening feeling started to overwhelm him. He felt like he was going to throw up and he didn't know why.

"Excuse me but do you have a restroom nearby?" he asked.

The receptionist sighed and pointed to her right. "Down the hall. You'll see it at the end."

He ran down to the bathroom and made his way into one of the stalls. A minute later, the empty contents of Beck's stomach, which mostly consisted of acid at this point, lay in the toilet bowl in front of him. After he was done throwing up, he sat against the stall wall to catch his breath.

The thought of anything happening to Jade…he just couldn't tolerate the idea. Having to battle this cutting issue was hard on him, but he never realized how bad it was for Jade. He didn't understand what was going through her mind, why she needed it and the thought of not understanding the entire concept she had enveloped herself in made him sicker.

It took Beck an hour to come out of the bathroom because his stomach wouldn't calm down. When he walked back to the lobby, he saw Tori and André sitting with Cat. He wished that he could smile to say thanks but he couldn't find it in himself to do it.

"Beck, I-" Tori started.

"Don't," he interrupted. "All I want are answers right now."

But Beck wasn't getting answers. He kept asking the receptionist what was going on with Jade and each time the answer was she was still in surgery. It was starting to infuriate him. Sometime after six in the morning, Beck couldn't even stay seated any longer. He started pacing. He needed something to keep him distracted.

"Beck, you pacing isn't going to make the doctor come out faster," Tori pointed out.

Beck couldn't help it though. He felt like this was his fault. He let Jade walk out of his trailer. He didn't go after her like he should have. Jade was in the hospital because Beck didn't take the precautions he should have, or at least that's what he thought.

"Here," André said, handing Beck a tall cup of coffee. "You look like you need this."

"Thanks," he said softly. He couldn't focus on anything that wasn't Jade. He wanted to hear something, anything at this point. The silence and waiting were starting to make him crazy. They'd been in the waiting room for over six hours. Six long, grueling, anxious filled hours. It was almost seven in the morning before anyone came out with news about Jade.

"Are you the party that's been asking about Jade West?" the doctor asked, seeing as Beck, Cat, Tori, and André were the only ones in the waiting room.

"How is she?" Beck immediately asked.

"Who are you?" the doctor questioned back.

"I'm her fiancé."

"Fiancé?" André questioned.

"Just shut up," Cat whispered.

"You're her fiancé?"

"Yes. Her dad threw her out and her mom's out of the country. I need to see her. Please?" Beck pleaded.

The doctor nodded his head and allowed Beck to come back. Tori, Cat, and André had to continue waiting in the lobby as only family was allowed back until visiting hours started in an hour. He took Beck over to Jade's room and escorted him inside. Jade's arms were wrapped in gauze and she was hooked up to an IV.

"She's asleep right now but she should be up within the next hour or so," the doctor explained.

"Is she going to be okay though?" Beck asked. Part of him didn't want to hear the answer but not knowing was even worse for him. The last several hours had been torture for him.

"We had to give her three blood transfusions but I think she'll pull through. She lost a lot of blood but had your friend not called the ambulance when she did, she probably wouldn't be alive right now."

"Jade," he whispered, running his hand through her hair.

"We need to talk about what happened though."

"Can I have a few minutes first?"

"Of course. My office is down the hall, last door on your right. Knock before you come in," he replied. "Your other friends can visit her as well, seeing as we're not busy."

As soon as the door clicked, Beck let the first salty tear fall down his cheek. Beck had never been one to cry but seeing Jade in the hospital, it broke his heart. He was supposed to support Jade and take care of her and seeing her like this, in his mind at least, meant he failed.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. He took her hand and softly kissed it before leaving the room.

He took his time heading back out to the lobby. He didn't want the others knowing just how devastated he was. As he turned the corner to the lobby, Tori caught sight of him. She ran to him and engulfed him in a hug. While Beck didn't admit it, he needed support.

"Is Jade okay?" Cat asked.

"She'll be fine," he replied. The real answer to that question was yes and no but Cat had already been through enough and Beck didn't want to have to put her through more.

"Can we see her?" Tori asked.

Beck nodded his head. As the group stood up to go see Jade, Beck grabbed André's arm. "Not you. Her doctor needs to talk to me and I could really use a friend in there."

"Sure. Whatever you need," he replied.

"And Tori, don't tell Jade I'm talking to her doctor. I don't want her to worry. Tell her I'll be there as soon as I can if she asks," Beck requested.

Tori nodded her head as she and Cat found their way to Jade's room. Jade was awake when they walked in but her heart sank when she didn't see Beck with them.

"Where's Beck?" she asked.

"He's filling out some paperwork," Tori replied. "He'll be back in a little bit."

Jade rolled over, away from her friends, if they even wanted to be her friends still. She didn't really want to see anyone. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to see Beck again but she needed to explain what happened. Beck deserved that, for everything he had done for her, at the very least he deserved to know the truth.

"Jade, why'd you do it? I don't understand."

Jade pulled thin blanket over her head and closed her eyes. She knew she screwed up badly but she didn't want to openly admit it. She already knew that Beck would want to talk. Well, he probably didn't want to but she knew he was going to. She knew.

"Please don't ever do this again, Jade. You're my best friend and I don't wanna lose you," Cat whispered. "I can't lose you."

Jade slipped her hand into Cat's and squeezed it tightly. Jade needed to let Cat know that it was okay even though it really wasn't.

Meanwhile, Beck was sitting in the doctor's office with André, discussing what would be best for Jade and the one option that had viable probability was the one option Beck hated the most. But this wasn't about what Beck wanted. He knew he had to do what was best for Jade in the long run.

"Are you sure you want to do this Beck?" André asked.

"I don't think I have a choice anymore. She won't accept help from us and she needs it."

And with that, Beck shakily signed the form that would forever change Jade's life.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

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><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

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><p>Author's Note: So…I listen to music when I write but I'm pretty sure most of you do too. While I was writing this, I kept listening to "Rue's Farewell" from <em>The Hunger Games <em>score and I wanted to cry so this chapter ended up with a lot more emotion that I thought and if you haven't heard the song, you need to listen to it because it's just gorgeous and sad and heartbreaking and beautiful…

There were a number of ways this chapter could have been played out but from what little I have written beyond this chapter, I think this works.

Reviews are friends (and they also entitle the review to a free preview of the next chapter)!

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><p><strong>Chapter 8<strong>

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><p>"You did the right thing, Beck," André told him.<p>

But Beck didn't see it that way. To Beck, he felt like he was betraying Jade. This was the last thing he ever wanted to do to her.

"I still have to tell Jade," he pointed out.

"Yeah, good luck with that. Make sure there aren't any scissors around her. She's dangerous with those things," André said.

Beck was going to need more than luck. Jade could be stubborn and she wasn't going to go down without a fight. But she didn't have a choice anymore. Even though she didn't know it, this was a choice she made and now Beck had to carry it out for her. She needed tough love and Beck knew he had to give it to her.

As Beck made his way back to Jade's room, he tried to figure out how he was going to tell Jade about the decision he came to. When he made his way inside, Cat and Tori immediately left the room without saying anything. While they didn't know what exactly was going on, they knew Beck would want to talk to Jade alone. Beck sat down in the chair next to Jade's bed and tried to pull the blanket away from Jade. But Jade didn't want to. She knew they were going to talk and she didn't particularly want to.

"You can ignore them all you want but you can't ignore me and I really want to talk about this."

Jade knew she couldn't delay the inevitable. She sat up, pushing the blanket down, and faced Beck. It was time to face reality.

"Happy now?" she asked.

"Not really. How are you feeling?" he asked.

"You brought me here," she whispered. Beck could hear a hint of animosity in her voice but he wasn't overly surprised by it.

"No, you're in here because Cat saved your life by calling an ambulance. You're lucky to be alive right now. You could have died last night, did you know that?"

"Is Cat okay?"

Of all the questions Jade could have asked, she asked if Cat was okay. Beck didn't get it.

"Would you be? Cat's your best friend. I had to make Cat call André down here in the middle of the night because I didn't know what to do. Tori's here and she's somehow managing to hold Cat together. We're all pretty shaken from what happened. And I…I thought I had lost you. You can't do that to me again, Jade."

"So where does this leave us?" she asked.

Beck sighed, for lack of not knowing what else to say. He knew what he needed to say but didn't want to say it. He didn't want to tell Jade. He sat down on the edge of her bed, wanting to be close to her but still give her just a little distance. For a moment, neither of them said a word. It was just like when Beck discovered she was cutting. He cared but didn't know what to do.

"I thought you told me you weren't suicidal," he said softly. "Do you remember us having that conversation because I can't get it out of my head."

"I didn't try to kill myself."

"Your arms say something different."

"It just got out of control."

Beck wanted to believe that. He also wanted to believe that Jade wanted to stop but he wasn't even sure of that anymore.

"I want to help you Jade, I really do. But I don't know where to start. I don't know how to help you and that scares me more than you can imagine. I thought I had lost you when Cat told me she had called an ambulance when she saw the blood. Do you know how scary that is to hear over the phone?"

Jade wanted to say sorry but sorry wasn't going to fix what had happened. Sorry couldn't take back the time, the pain, the _hurt_. Sorry wasn't going to do the trick. Sorry wasn't going to do a damn thing and they both knew it.

"If you're going to yell at me, just get it over with."

Beck shook his head. He looked at Jade and wanted to smile at her, but he couldn't. This wasn't a happy situation for him. Yes, Jade was alive and he was beyond grateful for that, but the circumstances that brought her here…Beck might have been mature for his age but he didn't know how to deal with this sort of thing.

"I'm not going to yell at you. It's not going to do anything except make you feel worse and I'm pretty sure you already feel like crap."

"Look, I know I screwed up. I get it."

"I don't think you do and neither does the doctor. He thinks you're a danger to yourself and I…I happen to agree with him."

"I'm not!"

"Jade, you won't let us help you."

"Beck-"

"Just be quiet and listen to me for one damn minute!" he shouted. "Listen to me!"

Jade was taken aback. Beck never yelled at her like that. Never. He had always been the calm and rational one in their relationship. But the last several hours had him on an uncontrollable roller coaster of emotions.

"This addiction you have of cutting yourself almost killed you last night. You need…you can't do it, okay? And if that means I need to put you somewhere to make sure you can't do it, then that's what I need to do. That's what you need, Jade. I know you don't want to hear it but you need help."

"What are you talking about?"

"I had to commit you earlier this morning," he whispered, his voice barely even. At least now it was out and Beck didn't have to keep it from her anymore. "Section D. It's the adolescent psychiatric ward."

"Beck," she whispered, her voice shaking uncontrollably. Tears started to well up under her eyes.

"I'm sorry."

Beck kissed Jade on the forehead and gently moved away the loose strands of hair away from her face. He didn't want to commit Jade but he didn't see another choice. Jade needed professional, around the clock help and as much as he and everyone else wanted to give it to her, they just couldn't. _He_ couldn't.

"Beck, no. Please, Beck, no. Don't do this to me. Please."

"I had to. Jade, you're my best friend in the entire world and it hurts that you couldn't tell me about this and it got this out of control."

"So what, you're punishing me?"

"I'm trying to save your life. Do you trust me?"

Deep down, Jade did trust Beck. That was the reason she turned to him when her Dad kicked her out. But this…Jade didn't know. She never thought it would get this far out of hand.

"Do you trust me?" he asked again, softer, more caring. _Strong_.

Sniffling, Jade nodded her head but she wouldn't look at him. She did trust him. There was something about Beck that she would always trust. But that didn't take away the anger and hurt and betrayal that came along with the news of being committed.

Beck took Jade's hand and kissed it softly and that's all it took for her to break down in tears. She let herself fall forward and cry into his shoulder, soaking his shirt with her tears. Beck wrapped his arms around her and just held her. That's what Jade needed at that particular moment. No words, just comfort. Beck wasn't even sure if he was hugging Jade to reassure her or to reassure himself that things were going to be okay and that this was the right decision.

But Beck did know one thing: even though they didn't like the choice, this was what was best for Jade.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

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><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

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><p>Author's Note: I still had some unfinished business between Beck and Jade that I needed to deal with. And suffice to say, Jade did not want to cooperate. I have a feeling that will be a trend in the upcoming chapters.<p>

Reviews are friends (and they also entitle the review to a free preview of the next chapter)!

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><p><strong>Chapter 9<strong>

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><p>It took Beck a good hour to get Jade to stop crying. From rubbing her back to holding her to whispering just how much he loved her, there wasn't much that consoled Jade.<p>

"You don't have to stay," Jade said softly.

Beck shook his head. "I want to."

Jade tensed up when someone knocked at the door but immediately relaxed when she saw it was Cat.

"Hi! It's me and Tori and André. We brought tacos and frozen yogurt," Cat said as she peeked her head into the room. "Well, it's sort of milky, runny yogurt now. It kinda melted. Beck thought you'd like it better than the hospital food."

No one could argue with that. As Tori and André passed out the food, the atmosphere in the room was quiet. No one wanted to talk about the elephant in the room. Jade didn't say anything as she picked apart her taco. She didn't want to eat. She didn't want to do anything.

"When do you get to leave here?" Cat asked.

Jade shrugged her shoulders. She didn't know and she didn't want to go into the details of why.

André started to speak out but Beck shook his head no. Now was not the time to discuss this and Beck wanted to go over with Jade about how they wanted to approach that situation. He had gone behind her back before and since this concerned her, he felt it was best to deal with it that way.

The nurse came by an hour later to check on Jade's stats. She unhooked the IV and Jade rubbed her arm where the needle had been. It was not a good kind of pain.

"Visiting hours are over. You need to say your goodbyes and leave for the night," the nurse stated on her way out.

Jade looked at Beck. She didn't want him to leave. She wanted, no, _needed_ him around right now.

"I'm staying here. Doctor already cleared it," he whispered.

That comforted Jade a little, knowing she didn't have to spend the night alone. As the rest of the gang said their goodbyes and left, Beck pulled Jade just a little closer. Once Tori, André, and Cat left, Jade turned to Beck, wanting answers.

"Why are you allowed to stay?"

"Because Cat lied to the doctor and told him I was your fiancé. It lets me stay with you and I think we both need that."

"Do they know about it?" she asked. Beck knew exactly what she was talking about.

"André does and that's only because I made him come with when I signed the paperwork. But I don't think he's told Tori and I know he hasn't told Cat because she would have been a wreck if she knew. I'm going to have to eventually but…I don't know."

"I mean, they'll know something's up when I don't go back to your place. They'd know you wouldn't leave me and hang out in your trailer alone."

"Do you want me to tell them?" he asked. He wasn't going to lie for Jade but for her, he would withhold the truth from their friends.

"Not really," she answered, her voice much higher than usual. "But you're going to have to. I know. They'll ask and you won't be able to delay it forever. Cat will start stalking you after a while and she'll ask you nonstop."

"Jade, what do you want me to do?" he asked. He needed a definitive answer.

Jade curled up closer to Beck.

"I don't want to be there when you tell them. I don't know their reactions. Seeing yours was bad enough."

"I'll take care of it tomorrow then. You should rest."

"Why?"

"It's been a long day."

Jade rolled her eyes. "Fine."

Jade didn't sleep much that night other than a few minutes here and there. Beck wasn't surprised because he couldn't sleep much either. But they didn't spend the night talking. Beck knew Jade was hurting from the betrayal. He tried not to think of it as a betrayal but as a way to help her. As the night dragged on, Beck desperately wanted to know what Jade was thinking about. As crazy as the notion was, he wanted to make it better. When Jade woke up and managed to stay awake for more than a few minutes, she saw that Beck hadn't moved the slightest from the night before.

"You stayed."

"All night. For you."

Jade wasn't even awake for five minutes before the doctor came in. He smiled halfheartedly at her and placed a set of pink scrubs on the end of the bed.

"You'll need to change into these," he instructed before he left the room.

Jade looked at them and scowled.

"Those are pink. I hate pink."

Beck picked them up and handed them to Jade.

"I know but it's not the end of the world. I'll pack some things up for you so you can wear them while you're here. They've given me guidelines to follow."

"Why are you doing this to me?" Jade was very much hoping to get out of it but Beck wasn't buying any of it.

"Don't think of it like that. I'm not doing it to you. I'm doing this _for_ you and I don't like it either. I need your jewelry too. You can't wear it while you're there."

Without saying a word, Jade removed her piercings, necklaces, and rings. She held them for a moment before handing them to Beck.

"Keep them safe. I'll want them back."

"Don't worry. I will. You focus on getting better."

How could Jade focus on getting better? All she could think about was how alone she felt. She had gone to Beck because she trusted him. She had stayed even after he had found out because somewhere deep down she trusted Beck. She could have run away and left everything behind but she didn't and now she couldn't. Now she had to face everything full circle…alone. Jade was scared of being alone.

"You'll come see me, right? Promise?"

"I'll be here every afternoon, even today. And if I can't be here, I'll make sure someone gets up here for you. I promise. You are amazing and strong and beautiful and I know this isn't what you wanted and it's definitely not what I wanted to happen but you're going to get through this. Now go change and stop trying to delay this. It's only going to make it harder."

Jade quickly changed out of the hospital gown and into the scrubs she had been provided with in the bathroom. When she came back, she felt more insecure than ever. Even though her arms wrapped in white gauze and the scars weren't visibly evident, Jade knew what lied underneath wasn't pretty. She sat down in Beck's lap and wrapped her arms around him. She felt lost and scared and she was still with Beck. What was she supposed to do now? How was she supposed to deal with all this without him?

"It's gonna be okay," he whispered into her ear. "Trust me."

Jade hugged him tighter, not wanting to let go of him. Why did Beck have to do this? Why did Beck even have to find out? None of this would be happening if Beck didn't know.

An hour after the first doctor left, there was a knock at the door. A female doctor in her early thirties came in. She smiled, trying to ease the tension of the situation.

"Hi Jade. I'm Dr. Delphin and I'm in charge of your case while you're with us. Are you ready?"

Jade shook her head. No matter amount of time was going to prepare her for this.

"It's time to go. It's time," Beck stated.

He gave Jade a soft kiss on the lips before making her get up. Knowing she didn't really have another choice, Jade made her way over to Dr. Delphin and began to exit the room. As they reached the door, Jade turned to look at Beck, her eyes revealing how truly scared she was to do this.

"It's okay," he mouthed to her.

Dr. Delphin escorted Jade down to Section D, making mental notes on Jade's body language. Jade kept her arms close and guarded and didn't look ahead. Jade thought about running, just to get away but all that would do is probably put her in a padded room under complete surveillance. They passed a few other teenagers on the way, but Jade avoided eye contact. After receiving a tour of the ward, Dr. Delphin took Jade down to her room, which she would be expected to share with a roommate.

"Why don't you take the rest of the morning for yourself, settle in, and we'll talk after lunch."

Jade sat down on her bed and brought her knees up to her chest. She didn't want to be here. She didn't want to talk about her problems with some person she didn't know. Hell, she didn't even want to talk about them with Beck. She had been fine all this time without their help. But as Jade stared out the window of her room, she had never felt more alone and that was the last thing she needed to feel right now.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

* * *

><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

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><p>Author's Note: So I know I've been pretty quick at updating but now that things are getting more intense and my life is getting more hectic, updates are just a little further apart. But don't worry, I will continue to write this story until it is done!<p>

Reviews are friends (and they also entitle the review to a free preview of the next chapter)!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 10<strong>

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><p>The last thing Jade would ever admit was that she was scared but that was exactly how she felt being in Section D. Alone, angry, hurt, betrayed…these were just a few words that reminded Jade of her current predicament. Why did Beck have to do this to her? Jade was determined not to cry though. Not here and definitely not now.<p>

"Lunch is in five minutes. Down the hall and take the second left. It's mandatory," a staff member stated after knocking on the open door to Jade's room.

Despite not eating much of anything over the last twenty four hours, Jade still didn't want to eat. Nevertheless, she got up and started to follow the small herd of teenagers headed to what she presumed to be the cafeteria. More like a few circular tables and chairs to be frank. Then she did the math: she was going to have to interact with someone at some point, something she was not looking forward to dealing with.

She grabbed a tray from the serving area and sat down at the farthest table. The meal looked completely unappetizing: a ham and cheese sandwich, a pear which may or may not have actually been able to pass for ripe, and a mixture of peas and carrots.

"A plastic spork? Are they serious?"

Another girl sat down across the table from Jade, wearing a long sleeved bright blue shirt and jeans. Her blond hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail.

"Yeah. They don't trust some of us with forks and knives. Usually, it's just a spoon. They must be out. Garf must think the aliens are contacting him again. Great."

"Aliens?" Jade repeated.

"Yeah. I don't know. People don't talk to him. He's supposed to be leaving in a couple days."

Jade pushed her peas and carrots around with her plastic spork until lunch ended, not bothering to touch any of her other food. She had absolutely no appetite and wasn't going to force food down her throat for no reason.

"If you don't eat, they'll only watch you closer," the girl from across the table pointed out.

"I don't have an eating disorder."

"Doesn't matter. They'll still watch you like a hawk."

So what if the people here were going to watch her like a hawk? They were already going to do that with her cutting. It had only been a few hours and Jade was miserable. As crazy as it was, all she wanted was Beck. She never realized just how much she needed until he wasn't even there.

As lunch ended, Jade found herself heading toward the main living area of the ward. There were a couple couches and chairs around a TV and a couple of bookshelves. None of it appealed to Jade. She wanted to be anywhere that wasn't here. She felt like a prisoner. Everything around her was bright and white…she missed the black that seemed to consume her life in every way.

"Dr. Delphin would like to see you in her office. It's the last door on your right."

Jade looked to see who had said that, but whoever it was, they had already left. She rubbed her arms, still desperately wanting to cut, but thought better of it for the time being. Later, she would find a time when it was quiet and where she can be alone. But for now: she would deal with whatever Dr. Delphin wanted.

"I don't like your last name," Jade stated as she sat down on the couch after entering the office.

"Okay. I've never had someone tell me that before. Why don't you like my last name?" The question had caught Dr. Delphin off guard but she was willing to along with it for the moment.

Jade glared at Dr. Delphin. She didn't want to be discussing anything, least of all her cutting. But perhaps this last name fiasco would keep the doctor distracted enough for their session. It was worth a shot at least.

"It sounds like dolphin," she finally stated.

Dr. Delphin looked at Jade unexpectedly. She was quite aware that there was only a one letter difference between her name and the animal but she had never had someone bring it up like this.

"Do you not like dolphins?"

"I hate dolphins."

"Why?"

"I had a traumatic experience with a dolphin in third grade. Beck said the dolphin was only trying to be friendly…but it wasn't. It _wasn't_."

"What did the dolphin do?"

"No." Jade was never going to discuss what that dolphin did and there was no changing her mind on the matter.

"Why don't we talk about Beck then," she suggested.

Just at hearing someone else say Beck's name, Jade got teary-eyed. She loved Beck and there was no denying it. Beck was always going to be a soft spot for her.

"I don't want to talk about Beck," Jade softly admitted. She turned her head away, not wanting Dr. Delphin to see the tears welling up.

"Beck's your fiancé, right?"

"I said I don't want to talk about him, okay? Just leave it alone!" she shouted.

Dr. Delphin made a small note on her pad about the true relationship status between Beck and Jade that she would come back to at a later date. With this being Jade's first session, she didn't want to overwhelm the teenager, but get a sense of who she was. By understanding Jade, Dr. Delphin would start to understand why this issue started and how to help Jade deal with it.

"So let's go back to my last name: Delphin, which sounds like dolphin. Does that make you uncomfortable?"

"You're my doctor, therapist person, right?"

"I'm your psychiatrist, yes."

"We're going to be spending a lot of time together, aren't we?"

"Very much so."

"So why should I have to call you by something that only reminds me of a traumatic experience? Aren't you supposed to build trust with your patients?"

"Alright, I suppose you're right. Why don't you call me by my first name, Bianca? Hopefully that will ease the tension up a bit. You won't have to be reminded of that animal then. Sound fair to you?"

"I guess. Can I go now?"

"Our session isn't even halfway over yet."

"Well, I don't want to discuss why I'm here. I think it's obvious."

"We're going to have to but I won't push you today to do it. Do realize though that the longer you resist this, the harder it's going to be in the end."

Jade didn't say anything. Bianca pulled out a piece of paper from a folder on her desk and handed it to Jade.

"This is your schedule while you're with us and you're expected to follow it. Every other day, we'll have a session at three and you have group therapy every morning after breakfast. We'll see how you're doing in a couple of days and we'll continue your treatment from there."

"I don't need treatment. I'm fine," Jade seethed before she stormed out of the office. In Jade's mind, she was almost as normal as anyone else, minus her love of scissors. She didn't need to be taken care of! She retreated back to her room, not that there was anywhere else to really go, wanting to be left alone.

"Jade?"

"What?" she groaned. Why couldn't people just leave her alone!

"You have a visitor at the front desk."

Beck. Jade knew it had to be Beck. He had promised and Beck always kept his promises. Jade got off her bed and made her to the front desk. To her great relief, it was Beck standing there and she'd never been more happy to see him.

"I told you I'd come," he said.

"When I can get out of here?" she asked, getting straight to the point. If Beck put her in her to learn a lesson, Jade learned that this was not a place she wanted to be. Ever.

Beck took a deep breath. He hated giving bad news to Jade but that's all he seemed to have right now.

"They can keep you here for seventy-two hours and then they'll see how you're doing and determine if they can release you or if they should commit you for another…I think it's thirty days but I'm not completely sure. But I do know that you are going to be here until the doctors feel you aren't a threat to yourself."

"Beck, please?"

"Jade, it's hasn't even been one day yet. You've got to give this some time."

"Beck, I'm scared, okay? Just let me come home. Please," she sobbed into his shirt. "I don't care what you have to do to me but don't let me stay here."

It broke Beck's heart to hear Jade cry. He had seen her cry more the last two days than he ever had before and that was hard. Jade rarely showed emotion and now that she was here, she couldn't keep any of it together.

"Jade, I stuck by you when I found out and if that doesn't show you how much I care, I don't know what does. I love you and I can't tell you that enough. But you've got to do this. I let you get away with a lot of things but this has to get addressed."

Jade pulled away just a little. She was really hoping Beck would drop this and let her come home but that didn't seem to be the case at all.

"Please tell me you brought me something so I don't have to keep wearing these scrubs. I can't handle the pink anymore and I'm afraid they'll give me scrubs with ducks on them and I hate ducks."

Beck couldn't help but laugh a little. "Yeah. It's at the front desk. They should be bringing your clothes to your room later tonight. They said they had to go through the bag to make sure it was all safe."

"Will you hold me? I miss being in your arms. I don't know why but I do," Jade softly admitted, looking down at the floor. It was almost foreign to her to want something as intimate as comfort when she was such a private person but Jade was scared to be here. Somehow, Beck made her feel safe and secure and she craved that feeling.

Beck was happy to oblige though. Anything that would make Jade feel better short of hurting herself, Beck had no problem doing for her. He sat down on the couch and let Jade situate herself between his legs before he draped his arms over her. It was like this that they spent the rest of their visitation.

"It's time so I've got to go. I know you don't like it here but try to make the best of this, okay?"

Jade nodded her head. Beck gave her one final hug before leaving. If only Jade knew just how hard this was for him, maybe then she'd understand.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

* * *

><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

* * *

><p>Author's Note: I would have had this updated sooner but I started reading this piece of FF called 12 Sessions with Caterina. It is amazingly beautiful and tragic and stunning and I think everyone should read it.<p>

Reviews are friends (and they also entitle the review to a free preview of the next chapter)!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 11<strong>

* * *

><p>As he left the hospital, Beck sent out a text to Tori, André, and Cat, telling them he needed to talk to them. It was time to tell them. They needed to know what was going on as much as Beck needed the support with Jade. This issue was going to affect all of them and the longer Beck kept it a secret, the worse it would be in the end.<p>

After putting his car in park, he made his way to up Tori's house. He subconsciously played with his J necklace as he waited for the door to open.

"Beck! Guys, it's Beck!" Cat shouted.

"What are you guys doing?" he asked from the doorway.

"We were going to play Bingo but André wanted to play poker. So we're playing poker. André's losing," she explained.

"Alright then," Beck replied. He came in and sat down on the couch.

"Where's Jade?" Tori asked.

"The hospital," he answered, leaning his head back.

"Why aren't you with her? We all thought you'd stay with her," Cat asked.

Beck looked at Cat and Tori. André already knew but that didn't make this any easier.

"I committed her to the psychiatric ward there. I had to and I hate it and I think it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do."

"How is she? She doing alright?" André asked.

Beck shook his head. "She's terrified."

"Jade? Terrified? No."

Beck nodded his head. "I've never seen her cry so much in the last two days and it feels like it's my fault. I put her there."

Tori shook her head and sat down next to Beck. "This isn't your fault, Beck."

"Jade needs to be there," Cat pointed out. "She needs help. She needs to get better."

Beck knew that. If he knew how to make her better, he never would have put Jade there to start with. He couldn't control anything and that frustrated him. He'd always been able to control Jade.

"That's easier said than done though. She's the one who has to do the work. All we can do is support her and I'm not sure if that'll be enough."

* * *

><p>Following dinner was recreation time, if it could even be called that. But Jade was so stressed out from being here and stared at and watched, she couldn't even find it in herself to calm down without a blade. But she knew she didn't have access to one and that drove her up the wall even more. Jade needed to calm down.<p>

Before she could be told what to do, Jade slipped into the bathroom and locked herself in a stall. She wanted to rip the bandages off her arm and cut, badly. She leaned up against the wall and rubbed her arms up and down before starting to squeeze them. But it still wasn't making the urge go away.

No. Not now. She would wait until she could really cover them without it looking suspiciously. Beck had brought her some clothes and odds were that some of it was long sleeved, since that was a good chunk of her wardrobe. She didn't have to give it up forever, just for the moment being.

Now that she had something of a plan of action, she hastily unlocked the door and exited the restroom, not wanting to draw attention by going missing. That would just make her be watched even closer and that was not what Jade needed or wanted. For now, the best thing Jade could do was blend in.

She saw a stack of sketchbooks sitting on the table in the cafeteria and was drawn to them. For the first time since she got here, she could be creative. Jade lived on her creativity, as well as a few other things.

"You're welcome to them. It's art therapy. Draw whatever you'd like," the nurse stated.

Jade grabbed one of the pencils and opened the book. She drew the first thing she could think of and one of the things she missed the most.

"What are drawing?" the nurse asked.

"Scissors. Do you have any scissors?" she asked back. What Jade would give just to hold a pair of scissors right now!

The nurse looked at Jade and shook her head.

"You're not allowed to have them," she responded.

Jade crumpled up her sketch and threw it in the trash on the way back to her room. She hated feeling like a prisoner and being judged and that's all everyone seemed to be doing to her here.

There was a small duffel bag sitting on Jade's bed when she entered her room. When she opened it, the first thing she saw was a letter folded in half. She could tell it was from Beck with the way he wrote her name. He even tried to draw a pair of scissors underneath and although he failed miserably, the sad attempt did make Jade smile a little. Only Beck.

"_I love you_," it said when she opened it.

Jade followed it up so she would see those three amazingly powerful words whenever she lay in bed. She barely had a moment to herself before another girl walked into the room. Jade immediately recognized her.

"You're that girl who sat with me at lunch."

"Yep. Looks like I'm your roommate too. You are…name?"

"Jade. How about you?"

"Molly. Cutter?"

Jade glared at Molly. "Your point?"

"Look, I don't like you and you don't have to like me. Let's just stay out of each other's way and we'll be fine. Got it?"

"Whatever."

"Lights out with fifteen minutes," a staff member stated.

Jade moved her duffel bag under the bed. She was exhausted from her first day and she hoped this wouldn't be a recurring trend. She curled up under her blanket and looked at Beck's note as she drifted off to sleep. Hopefully tomorrow would be a little easier.

* * *

><p>Jade reached below her pillow for her scissors when she woke up, only to discover they weren't there. Right. No scissors. Nothing sharp or dangerous. Nothing that could calm Jade down when she got stressed. At least she still had coffee to look forward to.<p>

She pulled out a pair of black pants and a dark purple top, finally able to change out of the pink scrubs she had been given the day before. If Jade had been able to take the scrubs with her, she would have cut them up and then burned them, just to show how much she hated them. She had never felt better than when she was in her regular clothes, and more importantly, in something long sleeved. Now she didn't have to see the reminders.

Breakfast that morning consisted of pancakes, scrambled eggs, and a small fruit medley. Still, Jade didn't want to eat. All she wanted was her coffee.

"Where's the coffee?" she asked. Jade had to have her morning coffee: black with two sugars.

"You're not allowed to have coffee."

Jade's eyes doubled in size. "What?"

"You're not allowed-"

"I heard what you said! Why?"

"Eat your breakfast."

"Why can't I have coffee?"

"We don't allow you to have coffee. Now eat your breakfast."

Jade almost threw her tray at the staff on call but thought better of it. Acting out would mean she would be here longer. Right now, she just had to make it through another forty eight hours and she was counting every minute of it.

After breakfast was group therapy, something Jade was definitely not looking forward to. She didn't want to tell Bianca the details of her life and everything so why would she want to share everything with a bunch of people she didn't even know? She joined the others in the common area, pulling her knees up to her chest. A man in his early forties joined in as well.

"Good morning. How is everyone?"

"Who's he?" Jade asked.

"Dr. Grant Coulter. He's supposedly one of the best psychiatrists for teenagers in California or something. Hell if I know," Molly answered.

Great. Someone else to be analyzed by was all Jade could think about. She barely took notice of the random murmurs from all the other teenagers. She still wanted coffee; she still wanted to cut.

"Jade, how are adjusting?" Dr. Coulter asked.

"I'm not," she shot back.

"Adjusting can take some time as does recovery. Would anyone like to share something this morning? It can be anything."

"I gained two pounds from last week," Molly whispered. "I feel so fat now."

"Girl, don't even talk about those two little pounds. You're practically a bag of bones!" a rather effeminate young man shouted.

"Don't start with me Barry!"

"It's _Barry_ darling," he replied, "Say it like the sweet fruit!"

"I'll show you sweet," she muttered.

Molly tackled Barry to the ground, throwing punches at him left and right. Jade was a bit surprised that Molly had tackled Barry, especially in front of Dr. Coulter but thought the sight was funny. It reminded her a little of Tori and Trina fighting.

* * *

><p>Jade had the option of joining the cutting support group the ward had for the few other cutters but she wasn't ready to open up to that. Instead, she sat down on the couch she and Beck were on yesterday. It was almost visiting hours and she knew Beck would come. This was the one part of the day Jade was looking forward to. It was the one part of the day that made her feel normal.<p>

"Hey you," Beck said as he sat down beside Jade. "How you doing?"

"They won't let me hold scissors here. I woke up this morning to reach for the scissors I keep under my pillow and they weren't there! Do you know what that's like for me?"

"Jade-"

"And they won't let me have coffee. They said we can't have coffee. Do you know what I'm like without coffee?"

"You can be difficult to deal with but it's not the end of the world."

"I want coffee."

Jade turned to Beck, her eyes dangerous but also playful toward him.

"Are you going to deny me my coffee too?"

"I might have to. There are rules for a reason."

"Seriously?"

Beck shrugged his shoulders. "I'm not going to argue with their rules. I trust they're doing what's best for you."

"You don't trust me, do you?" she asked.

"I love you."

"That's not what I asked."

Beck did want to trust Jade wholeheartedly but the reality of Jade hiding her cutting made it difficult for him to do so. How was he supposed to know anything when Jade wasn't being truthful to start with?

"I want to trust you-"

"Then just do it! It's not that difficult!" Beck wasn't sure if Jade was acting out because she didn't have her coffee or because she was here but he was pretty sure it was the latter.

"It's-"

"Beck!"

"Look where you are, Jade! If I was fully able to trust you, you wouldn't be here! We wouldn't be in this situation!"

That hurt. Jade couldn't believe Beck had said that. Jade couldn't believe that Beck didn't trust her.

"Go. If you don't want to be here, then go. I'm done with this conversation."

"Jade-"

"Go," she ordered viciously.

Beck took a moment to gather his thoughts before saying something he might regret. But maybe saying something harsh would get Jade's attention and get her to focus on what needed to be done.

"If you won't do this for me or your friends, then do it for yourself," he said softly.

It was like Beck knew exactly where to hit her where it would hurt her the most. Jade knew her cutting was dangerous; she just couldn't stop and give it up like that. Jade retreated back to her room without saying goodbye to Beck. Molly was already in there, reading a book on her bed. Jade crashed down onto her bed, burying her face into the pillow, wanting to escape from the world.

"What's your problem? Idiotic family?" she asked.

"Boyfriend," Jade muttered into the pillow.

"At least you've got someone who cares so quit being such a bitch. You've got more than most of us."

Did she? What did Molly know anyway? Molly didn't know anything about her.

_No one_ really knew anything about Jade.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

* * *

><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

* * *

><p>Author's Note: It's not the most exciting chapter but I needed to focus on Beck for a little bit. Also, there is a reason that there isn't a detailed description of what Cat brings. There will be later.<p>

Reviews are friends (and they also entitle the review to a free preview of the next chapter)!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 12<strong>

* * *

><p>Tori's house had become the new place to be while Jade in the psychiatric ward. Everyone wanted to know how Beck was doing but Beck couldn't stand to be in his RV, not alone for long periods of time at least. Everything in there reminded him of Jade and not being able to be near her was more difficult than he could imagine.<p>

It was day three of this nightmare and Beck knew without having to talk to anyone that Jade was getting out, not after yesterday's blow-up. She was going to be at the hospital for a while. Beck blamed himself for that. He had always been there for Jade…through the good, the bad, and the ugly.

He had been there when Jade got her first leading role at Hollywood Arts.

He had been there to comfort Jade every time she and her father had a fight.

Most importantly though, he had been there when he had discovered the truth about Jade's cutting.

And he had chosen to stay with her and support her.

But what none of his friends seemed to realize was that he needed support too. While he wasn't physically damaged the way Jade was, he was emotionally hurting and those wounds were always harder to deal with. He looked like he was the strong one and that he was able to handle most of the situation without a problem when that wasn't the case at all.

Beck blamed himself that he hadn't caught on sooner. He knew Jade inside and out. He knew…or he thought he knew everything there was about her. So how could he have been so stupid? How could he not have seen the signs that his girlfriend, his best friend, was cutting? Beck felt like Jade was a ticking time bomb and it was only a matter of time and Beck didn't know how much time he had left before something worse would happen.

_How could he not notice?_

He grabbed a coffee on his way to Tori's, the largest they had. He hadn't slept much since Cat called him that night about Jade. It was the worst night of his life. He was living on caffeine right now. Not the wisest decision but it wasn't like he could sleep while worrying about Jade. Even their fight from the day before had him worried. He knocked on Tori's door, knowing well that breaking and entering a cop's house was not the best idea in the world.

"Hi," he said when Tori opened the door. He saw André inside and waved with his coffee cup hand.

Tori took one look at Beck and pulled him inside.

"You look like a mess," Tori stated.

"That's why I have coffee," Beck muttered, taking another sip. He made his way inside, his steps wobbly and almost certain. To anyone who didn't know better, they would think Beck was drunk.

"How much coffee have you had, man?" André asked.

"I don't know. I can't sleep so I keep drinking it," Beck explained.

"Okay. Time to take the coffee away," Tori whispered softly. She pulled Beck's fingers away from his cup and set it on the table. "You need to sleep."

Beck shook his head. "I can't. I keep worrying about Jade. I can't stop."

"You know, I'm willing to bet that if you close your eyes, you'll be out in no time. We'll get you up in an hour but seriously, you need sleep," André said.

Beck knew they were right. He knew he needed sleep. As soon as he laid down on the couch and closed his eyes, he was out.

It took André several attempts to get Beck to wake up. Beck ended up sleeping for nearly three hours and he needed every minute of it.

"What time is it?" Beck asked.

"Almost two-thirty. It took us forever to wake you up," Tori said.

"Feel better?" André asked.

Beck rubbed the back of his neck. "A little better."

"I found the coolest thing for Jade when I went to find some Funky Nut ice cream for my brother," Cat announced to everyone as she walked in. She pulled out the fabric from the bag and giggled. "Doesn't it scream Jade?"

Once Beck had gotten with it after being woken up by the peppiness that was Cat Valetine, he took one look at it from Tori's couch and yes, it definitely screamed Jade's name.

"I'm not sure what we can do with it but it totally reminded me of Jade when I saw it. I had to get it. I figured we could do something with it for her."

"Have anything in mind, Little Red?" André asked.

"Yeah! I got this too!" she shouted. She pulled out another fabric that fit perfectly with the first.

"I think I know what you're thinking," Tori stated. She grabbed a pair of scissors and joined Cat on the couch. She cut into the fabrics, making about a three inch cut into each piece and then tied the two pieces together.

"You really think Jade will like it?" Cat asked as she held up the half made project after an hour.

They all looked it and nodded. Jade was definitely going to like it, or at least they hoped she would. Jade could still be difficult to predict from time to time.

"I need to go see Jade. We had a huge fight but I don't want her to think I'm not going to visit. I promised I would," Beck stated.

"Maybe not seeing would be better for her," Tori pointed out. "You can't keep running to her and telling her everything's going to be okay. She has to learn to deal with things."

"I'm not trying to tell her it's okay because it's not and she knows that. I know you don't particularly like her, but she's still a person and she's having to battle something none of fully understand. I don't want her to think she's alone in this."

"She's not and she should know that. She knows that, right?" Cat interjected.

"I think Tori's right though," André spoke. "Maybe Jade does need some time to figure things out on her own."

Beck couldn't believe what he was hearing. Why didn't they understand that Jade needed support and needed people around her?

"There will be a time when she will figure it out! I know she will. But that's not now," Beck retorted. "If you saw her there, you'd understand why I'm down there so much. Why I need to go today."

"Can I come with you?" Cat asked.

Beck smiled genuinely for the first time in a while.

"She'd like that."


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

* * *

><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

* * *

><p>Author's Note: So Jade might be a little out of character here but she does make an important revelation in here. It doesn't have all the answers, but who does?<p>

Reviews are friends (and they also entitle the review to a free preview of the next chapter)!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 13<strong>

* * *

><p>Day three. It had been three days since Jade had been committed and she didn't feel like she was getting anywhere with this process. In all honesty, she felt like she was getting punished. Beck's words still rang in Jade's head from the day before and every time she thought about them, the hurt grew stronger and so did the urges.<p>

_I love you_. Jade didn't know how many time she read that little piece of paper. She knew Beck was supporting her but it didn't always feel like that. Maybe Beck put her here because he didn't want to deal with the issue at hand himself. Maybe Jade was going about this all wrong though. Maybe Beck was right on some level. Maybe she _did_ need to be here.

It was getting closer to three with each passing minute. Three o'clock meant it was time for her personal therapy appointment with Dr. Bianca Delphin. Jade made her way over to Bianca's office; the door already ajar.

"Jade, right on time. Come on in."

Jade took a deep breath. She didn't like having to tell her life story to someone but at least Bianca didn't make her uncomfortable, which was a plus. At least in the office, Jade could forget for a moment that she was in a hospital, but it wasn't much of a consolation. She sat down on the couch and pulled her knees up to her chest.

"How are you doing today?" Bianca asked. She grabbed a notepad from her desk and sat in the chair across from Jade.

"I don't get to home any time soon, do I?" she asked.

"I know you want to go home but I think it's better if you're here right now, at least until we can start to deal with everything. Have you wanted to cut since you've been admitted here?"

"I still want it," Jade softly admitted as she shook her head. "I'm still having urges."

"That's not surprising. And since you can't have it, how does that make you feel?"

Scared, out of control, maybe even a bit relieved, all of the above? Jade wasn't sure how it made her feel. She had wanted to cut since Beck found out and she had succeeded once and that attempt had nearly cost her her life. And she wanted to do it even more now that she was here, but not out of spite. This place had been stressing her out. She needed that release.

"Jade?"

Jade didn't say anything. A small tear rolled down her face.

"I'd like to talk about your family today," Bianca stated, attempting to get the conversation going again.

"Why?" Jade didn't get along with her family. Her father practically disowned her, she didn't get along with her brother or stepmother, and her mother…Jade doubted she even know what was going on. Her friends had been there more for her in the past week and a half then her family had in a long time.

"Well, exploring your life at home will give me more insight on you for one."

Jade huffed and crossed her arms across her chest.

"My Dad hates me," she replied automatically, no emotion present in her voice. It wasn't a secret for her.

"Why would you say that?"

"He does. When he saw the scars and the cuts, he threw a jacket at me and told me to get out and never come back. He said he never wanted to see my fucking face again," Jade shakily whispered.

That particular memory was difficult to talk about it. Hearing the viciousness and coldness in his voice…it had actually hurt Jade. Her Dad had basically said he didn't want anything to do with her. Even if her Dad was cold and judgmental, what he did to her wasn't right and Jade couldn't forgive him for that.

"Have you always had a strained relationship with your father?"

"I really don't want to talk about my father. He doesn't care, so why should I?" Jade snapped.

"Well, we need to figure out what made you start cutting in the first place so we know how we can address it. Do you remember the first time you cut?"

Jade nodded her head. She still remembered it. She remembered what led up to it, what she used, where she was, where the cut was, the feeling afterwards. She remembered but she had never discussed it, not even with Beck. It was the one fight she had with her Dad that she didn't tell Beck about.

"Tell me what happened, Jade. Everything you remember," Bianca instructed.

Jade bit her lip. Was she really ready to go into this? Perhaps not starting at the beginning was the best place to start this discussion.

"It became addicting after a while. Whenever I got stressed and couldn't deal with it, I would…Beck didn't even know until…nobody knew! And _now_ they want to pretend like they care!"

"What happened the caused you to cut for the first time?" Bianca asked. She noticed how Jade tried to subtly change the subject. She'd start by answering whatever she was asked and then shift midway through the conversation. She was trying to avoid.

"We were fighting."

"Who?"

"My Dad and I. He had found a script I had written and he was…he was yelling at me about these childish, stupid dreams. He hates creative people. He says it'll never amount to anything."

"There's nothing wrong with being creative. Being creative makes you unique and that is a very powerful thing."

"That's not how my Dad sees it though."

"So the two of you fought?"

"And we yelled at each other for a while. And it hurt. It hurt that he didn't care. I was so angry-" she continued then stopped. She looked at the door and waited.

"Jade?"

"There's someone outside the door."

"Excuse me Dr. Delphin, it's four and Beck Oliver is here to see Jade and there's another girl with him," a nurse said.

Jade looked at the nurse at the door. Beck was here? Beck came, even after their fight yesterday? She stood up, wanting to see him, if nothing else then to apologize for yesterday.

"Let them know we're running late but she'll be out shortly," Bianca told the nurse. Then she turned her attention back to Jade. "A couple more minutes then you go see Beck but we need to get through this first."

Jade nodded her head and sat back down. She wiped away some of her tears away with her sleeve. She never expected these therapy sessions to get her so emotional and make her feel vulnerable and exposed.

"Why do I keep wanting it then?" she whispered. "I know it's wrong and I shouldn't do it but…I still want it. Why does it help?"

"I'm not sure. I think that's something only you can answer."

Jade wished she knew the answer.

"Do you want to stop cutting?" Bianca asked.

"I don't know. I'd tell you yes but I don't know."

"That scares you, doesn't it?"

Jade nodded her head, tears running down her face in full force now. "I know it's the right thing to stop but I can't."

"You can't or you don't want to?"

Jade looked up at Bianca. She wasn't expecting that question. "I don't know. I…" She shook her head. She didn't want to talk anymore.

"It's honest and that's a start; it's a huge start. You can go see Beck now."


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

* * *

><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Okay, so it's another short chapter but I think I've got the rest of the story mapped out and realized you guys are all going to hate me in a few chapters so I'm apologizing now. And I promise the next chapter will be a bit happier.<p>

Reviews are friends (and they also entitle the review to a free preview of the next chapter)!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 14<strong>

* * *

><p>"So this is where Jade is?" Cat asked.<p>

Beck nodded his head. He hated being here and he couldn't imagine how Jade was dealing with it. Beck kept having to remind himself that Jade was here for her own good. This was going to save her, or he hoped it would.

"It doesn't look very happy here," she commented.

"It's not like Jade to be late for visitation," Beck muttered.

"Maybe she's sleeping."

Beck shook his head. Jade always met him as soon as visitation started. They spent almost every moment of it together. He and Cat sat down on the couch and waited. A few minutes after sitting down, a nurse tapped Beck on the shoulder. "Jade's therapy appointment is running a little late. She'll be out shortly."

Somehow that news made Beck feel a little bit better. Maybe Jade was making some kind of breakthrough on her road to recovery. While he wanted to see her, her getting better was so much more important than a visitation. It always would be.

"Hi," Jade said from behind them, emotion completely devoid in her voice. She sat down between Beck and Jade and didn't say anything. Beck and Cat looked at each other, knowing this wasn't like Jade at all.

"It's good to see you again, Jade," Cat stated, wrapping her arms around Jade. "Missed you."

"You too. A lot actually," Jade said softly. She wiped a few lose tears off her face but barely even moved from in between them. Beck placed his hand on Jade's as Cat leaned against her best friend.

"Why are you crying?" Beck asked.

"I'm not," Jade retorted.

"Jade, there are tears on your face. You don't cry unless there's something really, really wrong. What happened?" Beck asked, slightly firmer this time.

"My appointment. It's fine. Well, it's not but it is so…"

"Are those helping?"

"I guess. I don't like how I feel afterwards though. It's like this place breaks me down. I don't like it. I hate being vulnerable and open."

"We promise not to tell anyone that," Cat said. "But you need to be open. It'll help you get better."

"So what did you talk about today?" Beck asked.

"We talked about my Dad…sort of. I never told you about the first fight and why this all started. But I'm not ready to tell you that yet."

"That's okay. I'm sure you will in time. Are there other people you can talk to besides Dr. Delphin?"

Cat laughed. "Her last name sounds like dolphin."

"I know," Jade nearly growled. "There's a support group for cutters and there's three other people in it but…"

"But what, Jade?" Cat asked.

"I mean, I hid it from you guys and you're my friends. How am I supposed to talk to people I don't even know about it?"

"Because they understand what you're going through more than we ever will because they're living it too," Beck pointed out.

"It would be good for you. You can make friends," Cat added.

"Please?" he asked. Beck knew he was playing the guilt card a bit but he was desperate for Jade to get better. He wanted her to come home. He wanted to hold her in his arms again and go back to the way it used to be. "Jade, if this helps you get better, I think you should do it. I mean, I know you're seeing a therapist and there's group therapy every morning but I think if you can relate to someone, this will get easier."

Beck had a point. Maybe having someone to relate to would make this process easier for Jade. They'd understand her, or at least on some level they would.

"Would that make you happy?" Jade asked.

"I think the better question is would you make you better? Jade, I want you to get better. Everyone does, even the people here do."

"You're asking me to go outside my comfort zone and I'm already uncomfortable enough," Jade whined.

"Beck could give you a noogie," Cat suggested.

Beck playfully eyed Jade, indicating that he really would.

"You wouldn't dare."

"I would. But in all seriousness, Jade, please?"

"Please, Jade?" Cat begged.

"No fair bringing Cat," Jade argued. She sighed. "But if you think it'll help, I'll give it a try."

Beck gave Jade a soft kiss on the lips in recognition for her hard decision. While bribery wasn't the way to go, right now, Beck would take anything he could get. In time, Jade would own up to everything. As long as she didn't relapse, Beck was happy. That was his biggest fear.

"I'll see you soon," Beck whispered as he noticed time was up.

Jade nodded her head. Having Beck near made her feel a little more secure and safer. She wanted to hold onto that feeling as long as possible.

"We love you," Cat said, giving Jade another hug which Jade returned just as tightly. She didn't want to let go. She loved having her friends around, even if she didn't say it. It was hard for her to let them go. She didn't say anything as they left, but instead, she sat on the couch and relived the last few minutes she had with them.

"I need you to come here tomorrow for Jade. I have something to go deal with and I don't think I'll be able to make it," Beck told Cat on their way out.

* * *

><p>"She's fun to antagonize. What can I say?" Barry bellowed.<p>

Jade took a deep breath. She was nervous about this, about letting people in.

"Yeah, but I think Dr. Coulter is getting to ready to put you in an isolated room, just to give that girl some peace from you."

"Is it okay if I join you guys?" Jade asked as she walked up.

"Always. You can sit with me," Evan stated, scooting down to the end of the couch. He patted the empty space and Jade sat down, still a bit apprehensive. She still wasn't sure if she wanted to open up to them but maybe being around others like her would help.

"So what made you decide to join us?" Nora asked.

"My boyfriend. He really wants me to get better."

"Is he that guy you hang with every afternoon?"

"Yes and you'd be wise to stay away from him," Jade warned.

"Don't worry. He's not my type."

"There is one rule," Barry stated.

"And what's that?"

Barry smiled. "You've got to laugh now and then. This place sucks and laughter's good for the soul and it helps. Deal?"

Jade couldn't help but laugh at Barry's remark. The one thing Jade had noticed about him was he always tried to make life here funnier. And he was actually pretty good at it.

"Deal."


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

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><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

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><p>Author's Note: Yay! Happy chapter time! Mostly happy at least! I've decided to update really early since I got this chapter finished way ahead of schedule. Remember that fabric Cat had a few chapters ago…it's back! Oh, and Beck, I'm sorry.<p>

Reviews are friends (and they also entitle the review to a free preview of the next chapter)!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 15<strong>

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><p>Beck put his car in park and took a deep breath. This was something he should have done some time ago. And while he wasn't sure how this was going to go down, he knew he had to do this…for Jade.<p>

"How about you, Jade? What's been the hardest part of this for you?" Evan asked.

"The urges. They're still there and it doesn't matter what I try to think about, my mind keeps going back to them. Did you guys have those problems too?"

"Still having them," he replied.

"Barry, can I talk to you, again?" Dr. Coulter asked.

"Off to face my maker!" Barry shouted.

"Barry!"

"I'm coming! Don't get your panties in a twist!"

"Have fun," Nora muttered.

"How do you deal with those urges? It's driving me crazy that I can't give in to them and I know I shouldn't but that doesn't make it easier," Jade continued.

"Don't give it to them. It sounds stupid but giving in _is_ stupid and you'll regret it," Evan replied.

"I know when mine get really bad, I start to draw things that make me happy. It's like I have a portfolio in my room. You have to do something to distract yourself while it passes through your body," Nora suggested.

Jade had tried that. She'd use her scissors to cut something else up but she couldn't have those in Section D. She needed to find something else.

"They let us have pen and paper in here, right?" she asked.

"Yeah. What are you thinking?"

"I do like writing plays. Maybe I can use that to my advantage."

"Jade, you have a visitor at the front desk," a nurse stated.

Jade looked at Evan and Nora. She didn't want to just duck out because she had a visitor.

"Go ahead. Your friends are important. We'll still be here when you get back and I want to know more about these scripts you write," Nora said.

Jade smiled. "I'll see you guys later."

She made her way to the front lobby and found Cat sitting at one of the tables, her arms laid out on the table as she waited. Jade was surprised but not disappointed to see that it was Cat who had come. But where was Beck?

"Where's Beck?" she asked, sitting down. She was so used to him coming. It almost seemed foreign that he wasn't here.

"Beck couldn't be here so I came. I made you a present early birthday present. I know it's a month away still but…I like giving gifts. Unless they're from my brother…I don't like his gifts…they're creepy. This one time, he…I better not tell you this. You wouldn't like it."

"Good idea."

Cat placed the gift bag she had brought with her on the table. Jade looked at her and then the bag, almost suspiciously.

"Open it!" she practically shouted.

Jade rolled her eyes and gave into Cat, not that she would be able to resist her anyway. She couldn't help but smile as she pulled the gift out of the bag: a blanket patterned with scissors. The underside of the blanket was black as was the background of the scissor pattern. The scissors were a multitude of colors and Jade didn't even mind the fact that there were a few pink ones on there. Even though they weren't real, Jade had scissors again.

"Beck helped make it too. We all did. Me, Beck, Tori, and André. We cut into the fabric and tied it all the way around. We thought it would help a little. You do love scissors."

"This is awesome. I can't believe you guys did this."

"You're smiling. Jade!"

"Yeah, I…I guess I am. Although it is hard not to smile when you're…you."

Cat squealed and threw her arms around her best friend. She was happy to see Jade being something of her normal self. Cat missed having her best friend around.

"We miss you. You know that, right?"

Jade nodded her head. She missed them too. These visits that only lasted an hour weren't long enough for her. Jade never realized how much she loved having her friends around until it was restricted.

"Jade, just get better okay. We want you to come back. I want to make Slap videos again and that's hard when you're in here. Seriously, they won't even let us have our cell phones on."

"It's not that easy. Cat, I'm trying. I really am and it's really hard, okay? I don't think any of you know how hard this is for me. It's not like I can stop and it'll be okay."

Cat wanted Jade to try harder but saying that would only upset Jade. This wasn't easy for any of them, not just Jade. Deep down, Jade did want to get better. She was starting to realize how bad this was for her. She still wanted to cut but at the same time, she didn't.

"So I did some research at home when Sky Store was down-" Cat started.

"I don't want to about how I'm a statistic."

"No, it's not about statistics. It's this idea that someone gave to their friend who was cutting. It's called the butterfly project. Let me show you."

Cat dug in her purse until she found a permanent marker. She grabbed Jade's arm and proceeded to draw a butterfly on it below her elbow where she had last cut. Once she was done, she wrote Beck's name underneath it.

"So, the idea is that whenever you want to…cut, you look at the butterfly and if you cut, you're going to kill the butterfly. And you don't want to kill the butterfly because you want to be able to set it free and you can't wash it off. It has to fade on its own."

"Why did you put Beck's name under it?"

"It's so when you see the butterfly, you'll remember how much he loves and cares about you and the whole idea of the name is to remind you. It also reminds you that you're not alone in this fight. I know we don't all get up here, but we're all worried and we care about you. And I know you love butterflies so I thought this was like the perfect idea for you."

Jade traced over the butterfly with her finger and then over Beck's name. She missed Beck. Every moment she wasn't with him made her miss him even more.

"Where is Beck? He always comes and while I love having you here, Cat, where is he? Is he mad at me or something?"

"No, not at all. He said he had something to do but I don't know what. He wouldn't tell me but I'll make sure he's here tomorrow. I'll drag him if I have to. I really will."

"I'll hold you to it."

"Is that group thing helping?" Cat asked.

"A little. I'm not sure though. It's nice to be able to talk to people about it and not feel judged."

"And I bet you're making friends too!"

Jade turned away. "Maybe."

"You are! Jade, that's awesome! You need friends!"

Jade couldn't have agreed more. Even with the little bit of time she had spent with Nora, Evan, and Barry, having people who understood her really was helping. She felt at ease with them.

"When you see Beck, can you…can you tell him I'm sorry?" she asked. "He needs to know that. Would you tell him that for me?"

"Of course! You have to remember though, don't wash off the butterfly. You have to let it fade on its own and you can always draw more if you want to. Take it."

Cat handed the marker to Jade. In return, Jade grabbed Cat's arm and proceeded to draw on butterfly.

"I'm drawing one on your arm. So you'll remember me every time you look at it," Jade explained.

"You better not be telling me goodbye," Cat warned.

"I'm not. I just don't want to be alone in it. You can color pink if you want. I know it's your favorite color."

"I think I'll color it black, for you. I'll even draw one on Beck for you when I see him again."

Jade couldn't help but laugh. The idea of Beck having a butterfly on his arm was just funny, especially since she knew Cat would be drawing it and Cat always added something of a feminine touch to her drawings and Beck was all masculine.

"Be sure to color his pink. Just because," Jade added.

"You hate pink," Cat pointed out.

"I bet it'll funny on him though. Tell him it's payback for threatening to give me a noogie. And he can't wash his off either."

"I guess I better get on that then. I know you're gonna get better. You've never let yourself quit at anything and I know this won't be the thing that breaks that streak," Cat stated. She threw her arms around Jade and gave her best friend the tightest hug she could muster. "Stay strong."

"You've got some really good friends, Jade," Bianca observed as Cat walked away.

Jade folded the blanket and tucked it under her arm. "I know."

* * *

><p>As Cat left the hospital, she turned her PearPhone back on and once loaded, scrolled down to Beck's number. He picked it up after the first ring, desperate to hear how everything went.<p>

"How did it go with Jade?" he asked.

"Pretty good. She loved the blanket and she's making friends."

Beck smiled. It sounded like Jade had had a better day, which was always a plus.

"Jade says she's sorry by the way," Cat said after a moment of silence.

"For what?" he asked. He winced as he held an ice pack to his eye.

"I don't know. She just told me to tell you she's sorry. I guess she thought you would know what that meant. So where were you?" she asked. "Jade kept asking but I didn't know what to tell her."

"I just had some business to take care of," he replied. "It's done though. For now at least."


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

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><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

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><p>Author's Note: Don't kill me in regards to Beck's situation! I had this planned a while back. Like around chapter 4 back!<p>

Reviews are friends (and they also entitle the review to a free preview of the next chapter)!

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><p><strong>Chapter 16<strong>

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><p>Jade made her way to Bianca's office when the clock struck three. While these weren't her favorite times in the world, talking to someone about the issue was helping. When she entered, Bianca was grabbing some files and placing them in a tote bag.<p>

"Aren't we supposed to have a session today?" she asked, a bit confused as Bianca was usually sitting and ready to talk when she entered.

"We'll pick them up tomorrow. Let's go see how your arms are healing. Sound good?"

"Sure." At least now she wouldn't have to talk. She practically welcomed the silence, especially while having to wait for the doctor.

"Tell me about the butterfly on your arm there," Bianca instructed as they waited.

Jade looked down at it and smiled. There was something about that butterfly that gave her hope and somehow made her feel like herself again.

"Cat drew it there. She said she found something called the butterfly project and since I like butterflies, she thought I'd like it."

"She'd write Beck's name under it too? To remind you?"

"Yeah. I think it's helping a little."

"He's good for you."

"I know," she whispered. Jade knew just how lucky she was to have him, even if she didn't say it.

"Hello, Jade. How are you doing?" the doctor asked as he came in.

Jade shrugged her shoulders. She wasn't exactly thrilled to be with another doctor, especially since Bianca was chaperoning her.

"Let's see how these are doing."

The doctor unwrapped the gauze from her arms and looked over them. Jade tried to remain as emotionless as possible but having someone who wasn't Beck touch her arms, and therefore her scars, made her uncomfortable.

"You seem to be healing up alright. What do you think about leaving the gauze off?" he asked.

"It'd be nice. It itches a lot when they're on," she said. Honestly, she was ecstatic to have the gauze off her arms. To her, the gauze was an ugly reminder of that night. It was a reminder of why she had to be committed and she didn't like to think about it. But deep down, Jade knew she needed to get over this and get better. This experience had been nothing short of eye-opening for her.

* * *

><p>When they got back, Jade immediately noticed Beck sitting on the couch.<p>

"Go see him. I know you want to."

Jade couldn't wait to see Beck again. When she tapped him on the shoulder and he turned to smile at her, the last thing she expected to see was him with a black eye.

"Beck?"

"I am Beck, here in the flesh," he stated. Maybe comedy would ease the situation although Beck had his doubts about that. Jade ran her fingers across Beck's eye, which was already a nasty shade of purple.

"What happened to you?" she asked.

Beck gently took Jade's hand and kissed it. He wrapped his arms around Jade and held her close. He felt a bit guilty that he wasn't able to get to the hospital yesterday. He still did love Jade, always would.

"Don't worry about it. How are you doing?" he asked, changing subjects.

Jade pulled away, facing Beck. She wanted answers and she was determined to get them.

"I want to know what happened. Why do you have a black eye?"

Beck really didn't want to tell her; he knew how complicated her relationship was with her father and this would probably only stress her out further.

"Beck, tell me what happened. I'm serious!"

"Your dad and I had a conversation that had a very unexpected ending."

Jade quickly put two and two together. "He hit you?"

Beck nodded his head. "It doesn't hurt as bad as it looks. Tori's Dad asked if I wanted to press charges and I told him no."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't want you to have to deal the stress of your Dad in jail on top of everything you're going through now."

"So you're just gonna let him get away with it?"

"Pretty much."

"Well that's stupid; he hurt you! Wait, why were you at my house to start with?"

"Don't worry about it."

"No. Telling me not to worry about it is only going make me worry more. What were you doing at my house?"

"Getting your stuff. It's all packed up and my parents are going to help me get it out and put it in my trailer for the time being until we can figure something out. I even found your car keys. Your car is at my house right now."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want you going back there once you get out of here. I don't think it's healthy for you. Your Dad didn't even know where you were when I told him."

"You told him?"

"You know what the really screwed up part was: he didn't even seem to care. I'm worried about you non-stop and he brushed it off like it was nothing."

"Somehow, I'm not surprised," Jade whispered. "Remember that night I went to your trailer? When it was storming?"

"Yeah."

"He told me never wanted to see my fucking face again. Tells you a lot, doesn't it?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I can't always run to you when I have a problem. I've got to face some things on my own, you know?"

Beck knew what Jade meant as he looked at her arms and saw the scars. As much as he wanted to help with the battle, this was Jade's battle to fight. It had to be her fight. She wasn't going to win it if she didn't fight it.

"So Cat said you made some friends?" Beck asked.

Jade smiled. She really did like having friends. "Yeah. They're cutters too but we're all supporting each other. You were right: they understand me and I understand them. It's…nice, I guess."

"Your arms look like they're getting better."

"These aren't going to be pretty when these heal up all the way," Jade commented, looking at them.

"I don't love you because you're beautiful," he said.

Jade smiled. She knew where Beck was going with this. "I'm beautiful because you love me."

Beck kissed Jade softly. "Always love you."

They spent the remainder of the visitation in silence, happy they had each other again. When it was time to go, Jade didn't fight to keep him close the way she had before. She knew she would see him again, and having that piece of knowledge comforted her.

"Beck, can I speak with you for a moment before you go?" Bianca asked as Beck turned in his visitor badge at the front desk.

"Sure."

He followed her back to her office and sat down, unsure as to why he was in here.

"You're not really her fiancé, are you?" she asked after a moment.

Beck was not expecting that. He didn't know what to say for a minute.

"Look, I'm not going to say anything. Jade's lucky to have you. You've done more for her than I've seen a lot of parents do. You're probably one of the more supportive ones here."

"Is she getting better at all?" he asked. He still wasn't sure if putting her here was a smart decision yet.

"Slowly. She's still got a bit of a way to go. Tomorrow, I have an afternoon session with her and I'd like to come to it if you're available."

"What time?"

"Three."

Beck didn't even take a moment to think about his answer. Anything that would help Jade, he would gladly do. "I'll be here."

"I also want to talk about something else pertaining to Jade: you visiting her."


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

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><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

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><p>Author's Note: I can't believe I had the response I did for the last chapter! It totally made my day when I came home from work or woke up to see another review!<p>

There is a reference to a previous chapter at the end of this chapter. If you don't understand it, please refer back to chapter 15 where Cat explains it.

Reviews are friends (and they also entitle the review to a free preview of the next chapter)!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 17<strong>

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><p>"Writing a script?" Nora asked as she looked over Jade's shoulder.<p>

"Rewriting, actually."

"What's it about?"

"A clown and a parachute…that doesn't open."

"Sounds graphic."

"Yeah," Jade smiled. _Clowns Don't Bounce_ was still one of her favorite pieces that she had written to date but it needed some tweaking. "So where's everyone else?"

"I think Barry's roaming the hospital again. I still can't figure out how he gets past the nurses. Evan has a personal session with Coulter. I don't understand how he can deal with that guy when all I want to do is punch him but whatever. Whatever works _works_, right?"

Jade agreed. They all had their ways to deal and cope with their situation. Jade found that talking with people like her and writing helped a bit. Writing on scripts took her to another place where she could forget she was here and that helped to make things easier to deal with.

As three came around once again, Jade grabbed her notebook and put it in her room before heading to Bianca's office for another afternoon session. As she entered, she saw Beck sitting on the couch where she usually sat.

"Beck?"

"Hi, Jade."

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"I invited him," Bianca answered. Jade looked at the two of them, obviously confused as to what was going on.

"She's knows we're not engaged. It's okay."

Jade sat down next to Beck. Maybe having him here might be good.

"I won't say a word about it. I know why he did it. I can tell just how much he cares about you and I've noticed that you're much more open with Beck than anyone else," Bianca started.

"Because I trust him."

"Why though?"

"Why is he here? I mean, I love having you here, but in my sessions, why?" Jade could feel herself getting upset but she couldn't help it. These sessions were hard enough with just her and Bianca and she didn't like admitting it. Adding Beck to the picture just complicated things even more.

"Jade, I just want to help," Beck said. He placed his hand on hers and she calmed down.

"Why do you trust Beck so much?" Bianca asked.

Jade moved closer to Beck and moved his arm so that it draped over her shoulder. She liked the sense of security he provided just by being around.

"I just do."

"It's deeper than that. I can tell."

"Beck's always been there, through everything. I don't know where I'd be without him. I wouldn't be here. That's for sure."

To Beck, it almost sounded like Jade was thanking him for putting her here. But Jade would never openly admit that but she knew that Beck would always be able to truly tell what she was saying.

"When you first started cutting, was that before and after you met Beck?" Bianca asked. She had been trying to get Jade to answer this question but the teenager refused to give in. Perhaps with Beck in the room, she would be willing to more open about this.

Jade shook her head. That was the last thing Jade ever wanted to answer, especially with Beck in the room.

"Answer it. I need to know," Beck ordered; he had been wanting to know this answer for a while. "When?"

Jade pulled away from Beck and stood up. She made her way to the door and stopped. She had a choice here: face reality or keep running from it.

"After, okay? Do me a favor and don't stay today. I want to be alone right now," she stated, leaving.

"Is she always like that?" Beck asked.

"She's always a little more sensitive after an individual session, especially if I've pried into an issue she doesn't want to talk about. She'll be okay though. She always seems to bounce back a bit after a little while."

Beck knew this place was hard on Jade, emotionally at least, but he never expected her to leave in the middle of a session. But Jade needed this.

"Remember what we talked about yesterday," Bianca reminded him.

Beck looked at the door and swallowed hard. "I know."

* * *

><p>Jade retreated to the couch where she and Beck usually had their visitations. She thought of retreating back to her room but then realized she would have to deal with Molly. She had been talking almost non-stop and the fact that Jade was friends with her supposed tormenter didn't help to ease the tension between them either.<p>

"Can one of you tell me where this came from?" Dr. Coulter asked.

Jade turned around briefly, wanting to know what Dr. Coulter was talking about. She saw him holding a pocketknife.

"Evan had it under his bed, hidden in the mattress. I'm not sure how he got it yet," a nurse responded.

Jade kept her back turned to the nurses as she continued to listen in on their conversation.

"I'll go talk to him. Go check on everyone else and keep this quiet and out of sight," he said softly.

"Jade, are you doing okay?" the nurse asked as she started her round.

A plan formed into Jade's mind almost instantly. She knew how to get what she wanted.

"I'm good," she said with hardly any emotion in her voice.

Jade watched carefully as the nurse made her rounds around the ward. As soon as the nurse was out of sight, Jade made her way over to the nurses' station. All Jade could think about how she wanted to cut, how she needed to be in control, how she needed to know that it was going to be okay. Glancing over her shoulder one more time to make sure no one was looking, Jade quickly forced the drawer open, grabbed the knife, and slid it into her back pocket.

She went inside the bathroom and into the last stall. She locked it, pulled out the knife, and then slid down the wall. She opened it and held it in her hands. This _instrument_ had power, which was both good and bad at the same time. It was destructive yet…it almost felt like her best friend when things got out of hand. She rolled up her sleeve and made a horizontal cut across the butterfly. The cut was about two and a half inches long and while it wasn't very long, it somehow helped Jade. In a crazy way, it made her feel better, calmer.

She didn't even realize it at the time, but the butterfly was dead.


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

* * *

><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

* * *

><p>Author's Note: So I'm lying in bed with what I'm pretty sure is a sinus infection and I feel like just awful. What my solution: write so I can update faster for you guys! Don't be mad at Jade and don't be mad at the end of this chapter. You can do that next chapter!<p>

Reviews are friends (and they also entitle the review to a free preview of the next chapter)! And the preview will have Beck in it!

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><p><strong>Chapter 18<strong>

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><p>Jade felt at ease as she sat against the bathroom stall, the blood running down her arm and staining her shirt. Yet, at the same time, she felt guilty. She had done the one thing that she shouldn't have. She had given in and relapsed. Then the stress of the fact she had relapsed hit her and she took the knife to her arm again…and again…and again.<p>

Her head snapped up and she dropped the knife as she heard the door open. It hit the floor and Jade couldn't believe how loud it was. Or maybe it was just loud to hear because she never meant to drop it. She grabbed her and pulled the sleeve down. She didn't want any blood to drip onto the floor. She wanted to keep this hidden.

"Did you hear that?" Molly asked.

"Jade? Jade, is that you?" Nora questioned.

Jade closed her eyes and wanted this to go away. She didn't want to be found or noticed. She wanted to be left alone.

"That's blood. Dr. Delphin!" Molly shouted. "Nora, go get someone! Jade?"

When Jade didn't respond, Molly slid underneath the door of the bathroom stall in order to get to Jade. While they weren't exactly friends, Molly was concerned about Jade. As soon as she got in, she stood up and unlocked the stall, allowing them a little more room.

"No!" Jade screamed. "Get away from me!"

"Jade, you're bleeding!" Molly shouted at her.

"Molly, go. I've got this," Bianca stated. Bianca grabbed Jade's arms, temporarily ignoring the fact that Jade was still bleeding.

"No! Let go of me!" Jade shouted again. "No!"

"Breathe. I need you to calm down and breathe, Jade."

"Let go!" she softly cried, her voice weaker as time went on.

"Someone get me a towel!" Bianca called. She turned her attention back to Jade, who was a bit calmer than she was earlier. "I'm going to lift your sleeve up so I can see how it is, alright?"

Partially sobbing, Jade nodded her head. She knew Bianca wasn't going to hurt her but was only trying to help. But Jade still didn't want her to see the damage she had caused. She already knew it was bad. Bianca lifted up the sleeve and saw the four cuts on Jade's arm.

"Jade," she whispered and sighed.

"What happened?" Dr. Coulter asked. He handed Bianca the towel.

"I killed the butterfly," Jade whispered, her voice shaking. "I'm sorry."

"Call down to the ER and let them know I'm bringing Jade West down for stitches," Bianca ordered. She handed the knife to Dr. Coulter. "I'm not sure how she got this but get it out of here. Keep everyone out of here until we get it cleaned up and I need you to handle everything while I'm gone."

"Is it that bad?" she asked.

Bianca nodded her head and wrapped the towel around Jade's arm and showed Jade how to hold it. "Keep your arm wrapped until we get down there, alright?"

Jade nodded her head and held the towel to her arm, applying the appropriate pressure. Bianca helped Jade up, being careful to avoid the small bits of blood on the bathroom floor.

"Am I in trouble?" Jade asked. She wasn't even sure why she asked.

"No. These things happen sometimes and we understand that. Right now, I want you to get medical attention and then we'll figure out why this happened."

"I only meant to do it once," Jade whispered.

"Jade, I'm not mad," Bianca stated. But Jade wasn't worried about that. She knew that when Beck visited, he would see it and she was worried about that. How was Beck going to deal with this?

* * *

><p>"How did this happen?" the doctor questioned as he looked over the cuts.<p>

Jade shook her head. She didn't want to talk about it. Having someone even look at them bothered her.

"What did you use?" Bianca asked. Concern was evident on her face, which only made Jade feel guiltier about relapsing. "Jade, please?"

"Evan's pocketknife. The one the nurses hid in their drawer at their station."

Jade winced as the doctor proceeded to stitch her arm up. She forced herself to look away. She didn't want anyone to see the few tears running down her face. It wasn't the pain that was causing these tears; it was the disappointment she had in herself for succumbing to the urge and cutting, and therefore relapsing. She was supposed to be getting better.

She was silent as she and Bianca went back to Section D.

"I really am sorry," Jade whispered as they passed one of the nurses' stations.

"I know. My office," she ordered Jade, although her tone was soft. She wasn't angry at Jade and she needed Jade to know that. Bianca knew relapses happened. Sometimes it was a part of the recovery, albeit not pretty but a necessary part.

Jade didn't argue as she slipped inside Bianca's office. She didn't want to be around people. She didn't want them to see that she had slipped and screwed up.

"Is Jade okay?" Nora asked. Barry was right behind her. "I mean, will she be alright?"

"I know you've grown close to Jade but you need to leave her alone right now," Bianca told them. "For a little while."

"Will you tell her that we're worried about her?" Nora asked.

"I'm fairly sure she knows," Bianca replied. She made her way into her office, only to see Jade huddled up in the corner of the couch. She could tell from body language and how Jade was ignoring everything around her that Jade was hurting emotionally from this. And Bianca knew she was about to deliver another blow but it wouldn't be right to keep this information from Jade.

"I have to tell Beck. He's your emergency contact and he needs to know this happened."

Jade shook her head. She didn't want Beck to know.

"Do you want to be in here when I tell him?" she asked.

Jade shook her head again, clearly upset at the thought of Beck knowing. She finally turned around to face Bianca. Tears stained her face, which only confirmed to Bianca that Jade had been crying.

"Please don't tell him. You can't! Please?"

"I have to. Why don't you go get some sleep and we'll talk tomorrow."

Barry was waiting outside when Jade walked out of Bianca's office. Without asking, he wrapped Jade in a hug, knowing that a relapse was always hard.

"Jade, are you going to be okay?" Barry asked. He was usually filled with humor and tried to make light of every situation but he couldn't with this one. Relapse was serious and it wasn't something to make fun of. He knew that. He'd been in Jade's shoes.

"I screwed up, Barry. I screwed up really badly," Jade whispered.

* * *

><p>"Two," Beck said, throwing down his cards in the middle of the table.<p>

"Three," André said.

"I wanna play bingo," Cat said suddenly.

"What is it with you and bingo?" André asked.

"I like bingo. It's fun," she explained. "Isn't bingo fun?"

"I'll go get the bingo cards," Tori stated.

"Yay! I love bingo!"

As Beck and André began to clean up the remainder of their poker game, Beck's cell phone started ringing.

"I'll finish. It's probably important if they're calling you this late."

André had a point. Beck kept his number private and if someone was calling late at night, it was probably of the upmost importance. He looked at the caller ID and realized that it was the hospital calling, a number he knew by heart now.

"Hello?"

"Beck, it's Dr. Delphin. I'm going to get straight to the point. Jade had a relapse tonight," she told him.

Beck couldn't breathe for a minute. He immediately dropped to the couch. Everything stopped for a minute. How could Jade have relapsed? Sure, she was upset during her therapy session but he didn't think she'd relapse.

"What happened?" he asked.

"We found her in the bathroom with a knife. She had managed to cut her arm open a few times. We took her down to the emergency room and she got stitches. She's going to be fine but I think you need to come talk to her about this. I don't think she'll listen to anyone else but you."

"Yeah. I'll be by tomorrow."

Beck ended the call and took a deep breath before all the anger boiled up inside him. He threw his phone across the room, scaring Cat.

"What happened?" André asked.

"Jade relapsed."

"Is she alright?" Tori asked.

"No. She relapsed! She just had to get stitches in her arm!"

"Beck, calm down," André started. "Jade-"

"Don't tell me to calm down!" Beck seethed. "I thought she was finally getting somewhere. This afternoon, she…she…"

Beck grabbed his jacket and left Tori's house. He wanted to be alone. Jade's relapse was a difficult pill to swallow. How could she do this? As soon as he got back to his RV, he grabbed a bag from under his bed and threw whatever articles of clothing he could find into it. He planned to get away as soon as he confronted Jade about her relapse.

He needed out. For both of their sakes, he needed out.


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

* * *

><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Deal with me here, I know it's short. But it's important.<p>

**Before you read this chapter, please put away all scissors and hammers and anything sharp / dangerous / broken (that might hurt me) and please remove any coffee from the room you are currently in. I don't want you to throw them at me when you read the end of this chapter.**

Reviews are friends (and they also entitle the review to a free preview of the next chapter)!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 19<strong>

* * *

><p>Jade could feel everyone's eyes on her as she got her breakfast that morning and she felt even more self-conscious than she ever had. As she sat down, she could hear people whispering, which only made her feel worse.<p>

"Feel any better today?" Barry asked. It wasn't long before Evan and Nora joined in as well. It comforted Jade to know that she wasn't alone right now, that they were actually people who cared.

"Not really," Jade whispered.

"I've relapsed twice now so I know what it's like," Evan stated. He raised his sleeves and showed Jade his most recent cut, still fresh and red from healing. "We've all been there, Jade."

"So it's okay to feel like the world's crashing because it still does right now? And I still have to deal with Beck. Dr. Delphin said she called him last night and I'm scared because I don't know how he'll react to it. I didn't want to let him down."

"We're here for you," Nora whispered. "That's what friends do."

"We're proud of you," Barry stated. "At least I am."

"For what?"

"You're trying to get help. You're trying to beat this thing. So what if you screwed up? We've all screwed up. That's half the battle. You'll never win if you don't try. Well, you could cheat but it wouldn't work."

"Did you cheat on your psych evaluation?" Nora asked.

"I might have. But that's beside the point."

"Everyone gather around so we can begin," Dr. Coulter called.

"Joy. I really don't like this group therapy thing," Jade complained. "I don't mind our little group but everyone…ugh!"

"Why do you think I antagonize the daylights out of Molly?" Barry asked.

"Because you can," she replied.

"Yeah, that too. It is fun though."

"And entertaining. I'll give you that."

As everyone sat down, Dr. Coulter joined them. Jade did her best to avoid eye contact with everyone. She didn't want to be here. She didn't want the focus on her or even talk.

"How is everyone this morning?" he asked.

"I'm sorry to interrupt Dr. Coulter but I need to borrow Jade for a little while," Bianca stated.

Everyone looked at Jade as if she had just been called to the principal's office. She shrunk back into her chair and wanted to be invisible at that moment.

"Jade, it'll be okay," Evan whispered.

Nodding her head, Jade got up and followed Bianca back to her office. She didn't say anything. She knew they were going to have a conversation about her relapse and she wasn't looking forward to it in the least. What she did not expect was Beck waiting inside, his arms crossed. As crazy as it was, she wanted to run away and not have to face Beck over her relapse. She knew he'd be upset and disappointed and she didn't want that. She truly did want to get better.

"Why don't you two talk in my office and take as long as you need, alright? Don't worry about the time."

Bianca quietly shut the door, leaving Beck and Jade alone. Neither of them said anything because neither really knew what to say or even how to start a conversation in this situation.

"I relapsed yesterday," she said softly, unable to take the silence any longer. "I couldn't deal with it anymore."

Beck took a deep breath. He didn't like the fact that Jade had relapsed but after he took the night to calm down a little, he wasn't overly surprised that it had happened. He knew that it was going to happen at some point but that didn't take away the disappointment that followed it. This made what Beck needed to do even harder.

"How bad is it?" he asked.

"I didn't hit anything. They're just long. I'm sorry."

Beck ran his hand along the fresh gauze covering the cut, much like he had when he first discovered the truth.

"I thought you were finally starting to get better," he said softly.

"Beck, it's…let me explain."

"Okay, explain it to me then! Tell me how this…dammit Jade! You don't get it, do you?"

"There isn't an instruction manual for quitting! I'm doing the damn best I can! It's not like there's some magic pill to make this all go away! It's so much more than that!"

"Jade, this is killing me. You need to get yourself together. I hate that you have to be here because of your cutting. You need to stop cutting. You have to!"

"Will you shut the fuck up? This isn't about you! It's about me! So stop making me feel like shit because this happened! And stop telling me to stop! It's not that easy because if it was, I would have by now! Look, I said I'm sorry and I know I fucked up. I know, okay! And I really do feel bad about it! I'm sorry, okay?"

"Sorry isn't going to make this better."

"Don't you think I know that?" she whispered, tears welling up under her eyes. "I know."

"Do you?" he shouted at her. "Because there's a part of me that thinks you don't want to get better!"

"Beck-"

"Get it together, Jade! I'm done."

Beck stormed out of the office, slamming the door on his way out. Jade burst into tears. She was pretty sure then that she had lost Beck and that alone was more painful that any pain she might inflict upon herself. She never wanted to lose Beck. Beck meant the world to her.

"I'm trying, Beck. Don't you know I'm really trying?" she cried softly into the pillow on the couch. "Come back. Beck, come back, please! I'm sorry! I'm sorry. Just come back."


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

* * *

><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

* * *

><p>Author's Note: The response from the last chapter was unreal! Everything has a reason so no one kill me. I actually had to edit my storyline a bit from your reviews! So…enjoy!<p>

Reviews are friends (and they also entitle the review to a free preview of the next chapter)! And the preview will have Beck in it!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 20<strong>

* * *

><p>"Jade, my office," Bianca stated.<p>

"I don't have a session today," she replied, not to mention the fact that she didn't want to talk. She rolled back over on her bed, clearly wanting to be left alone but Bianca wasn't having any of it.

"Dr. Coulter is taking care of my appointment that was scheduled so we can talk. My office. Two minutes."

Jade huffed and got up. She didn't want to go to another session. She didn't want to talk. She was hurting and she just wanted to be left alone.

"It'll be okay, you know. Give it some time and it'll all work out," Nora said as Jade finally left her room.

"Stop telling me that it's okay. It's not okay!" she shouted. "It's not! Stop being such a fucking optimist."

"I didn't mean it like-" Nora started before Jade cut her off.

"You don't know what I'm dealing with. We might be here for the same reasons but we have completely different circumstances. So shut up and leave me alone!"

Jade pulled her arm back and prepared to punch Nora, only to have Bianca stop her by grabbing her wrist.

"My office," Bianca reiterated. "Now."

Jade yanked her arm away, throwing angry glares at both Nora and Bianca.

"Let's go," Bianca ordered. She kept a close eye on Jade as they walked to her office. She had never seen Jade act out like this.

"I don't want to be here," Jade stated as she sat down, her voice full of anger. She wasn't exactly angry but more hurt than anything else. She was just using anger as a mask so she wouldn't have to reveal her real feelings. She was reverting back to old habits.

"Let's talk about your visit with Beck," she instructed. She wanted to get through to Jade and Bianca knew that talking about Beck would get through to Jade.

That visit was still vividly fresh in Jade's mind from that morning. How could Beck have done that? How could he just walk out on her? Didn't he know that she needed him now more than ever?

"No."

"We can either talk about Beck or we can talk about your relapse but we are discussing one of them today. Your choice, Jade."

"Why? Why does it matter? Nothing matters anymore!" she shouted.

"What about getting better? Do you want to get better, Jade?"

Jade wasn't even sure anymore. She wasn't sure of anything now that Beck left. Somehow, Beck had managed to keep her emotions in check, keep her level headed, keep her sane. Now that he was gone, nothing mattered.

"What about your parents?"

"What about them?"

"Don't you think they want you to get better?"

"They don't care. I doubt they even know."

"You'd be surprised."

"Why are you being such a bitch to me? You're not like this!" Jade pointed out.

"I've got your attention though, don't I?"

"Hold on a sec, you called my parents?"

"Technically, that's the first thing we should have done because you were a minor but we let it go because we thought you were engaged, even though you weren't."

"You called them?"

Bianca nodded her head. She couldn't believe the reaction Jade's parents. They didn't care and that surprised her. The parents were supposed to be the supportive ones.

"Shortly after Beck left. He handed me their numbers on his way out. I had two very long conversations with them this morning, neither of which ended well," she explained.

"I know they hate me. Top of the list of the people who hate me," Jade stated. "You can add Beck to that list too."

Bianca had no idea that Jade would react this way to Beck leaving. Bianca was trying to help Jade and she was starting to wonder if she was doing more damage. No, she was confident in her decision. This was going to help Jade.

"Bianca, I need to see it. I need to see the damage I did. I need to see how bad it is," Jade whispered. "Please?"

Bianca had had some strange requests in the past when she did individual sessions, but she had never had a patient who self injured willingly ask to see the injuries they had inflicted upon themselves. But then again, she had never had a patient quite like Jade West.

"I won't try to reopen it or anything but I need to see it," she begged. "Please?"

"We're rewrapping your arm after your session."

"That's fine."

Bianca put down her notepad and joined Jade on the couch. She took Jade's arm and slowly started to unwrap it.

"It's bad," she whispered as she saw the lines of stitches. Bianca could hear her fighting back a sob in her throat but didn't say anything. Jade needed to understand this on her own.

"It's a reality," Bianca corrected. "It's something you've got to face."

Jade ran her fingers along the stitches. This was her fault. She had caused this damage. No one else. Her. Jade.

"Why did you cut yourself, Jade?" Bianca asked softly. Now that she had Jade's focus and attention, she could start to get back to the issues at hand.

"I don't even know anymore and whatever the reason was, I'm sure it was stupid. Like me. This whole thing is stupid! Everything is! I know I screwed up but I never realized how bad it was."

"And you do now?"

Jade nodded her head. "I think I lost the greatest person in the world all because of these!" she shouted, pointing to her stitches and other scars. "It's not worth it! It wasn't worth losing Beck. I don't want to hurt him. I don't! I never wanted to hurt Beck. But I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to make it stop! Everything thinks that if you stop, it'll all be fine but it's more than that."

"You're right. There's why you starting cutting and we have to resolve that and then help you find healthier coping mechanisms and living a better life for yourself. There's a lot of things that have to happen. You were doing well with your recovery."

"Was I? Because right now, I feel like a complete failure."

"You're not. You're talking about it. That's already a sign of success."

"No one cares."

"That's not true and you know that."

"My parents don't care. They never did. Beck left. Beck hates me," she whispered.

"What makes you say that?"

"I could see it in his eyes when we talked and when he stormed off. I don't think he's ever coming back."

"Beck doesn't hate you," Bianca stated. She knew that without a doubt in her mind. She knew why Beck did what he did but she couldn't tell Jade that. If would defeat the entire purpose of why he wasn't there. Sure, Beck was probably angry at her for relapsing. Bianca couldn't blame him for that. But Bianca knew that Beck didn't hate Jade; he could never hate Jade.

"Beck's probably just upset that you relapsed. Sometimes people say things in the heat of moment," she explained but Jade only shook her head. "Listen to me: Beck cares about you. There is a reason that he isn't here."

"Tell me then. Tell me how everything is going to _peaches and cream_ when it's not," Jade said, using her voice she used to imitate Tori. She had lost Beck over this. She was losing everything over this.

It had to stop. She had to find a way to make it stop.


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

* * *

><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Special thanks to Lara Julibee who pretty much inspired this chapter that wasn't planned to begin with. Thanks!<p>

Reviews are friends (and they also entitle the review to a free preview of the next chapter)!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 21<strong>

* * *

><p>Beck was on the road for almost three days. His phone kept going off. Everyone was trying to call him but he wouldn't answer. If he told them why he took off, he'd only want to turn around and go back and right now, that wasn't an option. He had to stay away. For Jade, he had to stay away. It was the only way.<p>

He planned out his stops carefully on his journey. He couldn't stop at a coffee shop because all he could think about was Jade and how she always had a black coffee with two sugars. Even the smell of coffee made him miss her. Any music he heard reminded him of her. Even though he was going all the way to Vancouver, Beck couldn't get her out of his mind. This made the separation ever harder for him. He loved Jade. He always would.

"_I know you love Jade. It's not hard to tell. But I also think she's using you to hide behind this issue. I know that what I'm about to ask you is going to be a lot but I honestly believe it's going to help her in the end. You need to stop coming here. You have to give her distance if you want her to get better."_

"_I don't want her to think I'm leaving her though. She's lost enough."_

"_That's understandable. It's great that she has someone as supportive as you but all it's doing is hindering her right now. You have to step back. She needs to be the one to fight this and she can't do that if you're here. I know you've probably read that support is very important and it is but too much of it can be just as bad. Beck, you have to step back and let her do this."_

Beck remembered every word of that conversation he had with Dr. Delphin. And he remembered every word he said to Jade the morning after her relapse. Now that he had some time to think about it, he realized how harsh he sounded and realized what he said wasn't the right thing at all, especially his last words.

"_Get it together, Jade. I'm done."_

Beck regretted those words the moment he stepped outside of the hospital. He had let his anger and disappointment and frustration get the better of him and he had taken it out on Jade, which was the _last_ thing he should have ever done. Now he couldn't even tell her he was sorry for that. He was a jerk to her and she didn't deserve that.

At the end of the third night, Beck finally made it to his aunt and uncle's house in Vancouver. His parents had called them to let them know he was coming and had explained the circumstances.

"Do you want something to eat?" his aunt asked after a quick hug.

"I want to be alone, if that's alright," he stated.

He climbed up to the roof of the house and sat down and looked at the moon. He didn't know why, but the moon reminded him of Jade. Hell, everything he looked at or thought of or heard reminded of Jade. He wanted nothing more in that moment to be holding her in his arms, to tell her how much he loved her, to tell her he's _sorry_.


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

* * *

><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

* * *

><p>Author's Note: So…short chapter…but I think now I actually have this all planned out…it's about six chapters longer (currently at least) than I expected. But enjoy it nonetheless!<p>

Jade might be a bit out of a character but I needed some quiet, calm time with her. She's gonna have enough to deal with later.

Reviews are friends (and they also entitle the review to a free preview of the next chapter)!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 22<strong>

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><p>On the top of the page, Jade wrote the title of the next play she would write:<p>

_Big Fake Smiles and Stupid Lies_

She didn't know what exactly compelled her to want to write another play but it felt right. She wanted to chronicle everything that was going on here and always remember it, even though she didn't like it. But being here was helping: she was learning how to deal with things, how to not react by injuring herself. Hopefully when this new play was finished, she would remember how she had grown and hopefully beaten this thing.

"Hi, Jade."

Jade looked up at Nora as she walked in and sat on her bed.

"Hey. What's up?" I asked.

"I'm going home today," she whispered.

"You are? Well, that's awesome." Jade was actually happy for Nora, even though that meant she wouldn't be here anymore. Seeing Nora get better inspired Jade a bit. It let her know that she could get better.

Nora nodded her head.

"My parents are actually here waiting but I wanted to say goodbye to you. Are you working on another play?"

"Yeah. About all this and being here. It's helping, strangely enough. I'm gonna ask if they'll let me perform it here, or at least have a reading."

"If they do, I want to be invited."

Jade smiled. It was nice to know someone who supported her outside of Hollywood Arts that wasn't crazy.

"I'll come visit too. I mean, you and Barry and Evan have become my best friends here.

"They're slowly becoming mine as well."

"Try to get Barry to behave after I leave. He's crazy enough," Nora stated.

"We're all crazy…he just lets his show."

"I'm gonna miss that," Nora said.

"Have you said goodbye to him yet? And Evan?"

"Yeah. It actually took me ten minutes to find you. I don't know I didn't bother to check your room first. You're almost predictable in a sense."

"I hate being predictable," Jade stated.

"Well, if you're not in one place, you're in the other. Most of us are like that here. We find the places we're comfortable with and we stick with them. Jade, you're going to get better. I know you are. Promise me something?"

"What?"

"Remember that night you relapsed and Molly and I found you in the bathroom?"

Jade nodded her head. She had hit her lowest point that night and she still felt bad about it.

"Don't ever let yourself get there again. You're better than that. You will beat this," she said. She gave Jade a hug and Jade found herself returning it. She had changed a lot while being here but knew there was a lot to go still.

"I won't. I can't let myself do that again," Jade admitted.

"You won't. Barry will beat you up next time. So I guess this is goodbye," she whispered.

"I guess so. Come visit, okay?"

"I'll try," she promised. She placed a piece of paper on top of Jade's notebook. "When you get out of here, call me and we'll go skirt shopping. Girls night."

"Definitely."

After Nora and Jade said their goodbyes for a final time, Jade stashed her notebook under her pillow. She wanted easy access to it but didn't want it in plain sight. On second thought, she better bring it with her so she could show Barry. She knew exactly where Barry's room was. She'd only been in there once but it instantly made her feel better when she entered. Barry's room was a character in itself. She knocked on the door and waited, just in case.

"Come in!"

Jade twisted the knob and found Barry lying on the bed with the most interesting object in his hand: an eyeshadow brush.

"Barry, can you help me with something?" Jade asked. She ignored the object in his hand. There were things about Barry she would never understand and she was okay with that.

"I'm not doing your make-up," he responded with a smile on his face. "But you can help me with mine. How do you guys do eyeshadow?"

"Male make-up?"

"I didn't say that."

Jade shook her head. She appreciated Barry's humor.

"No, it's nothing like that. Besides, I like my make-up done my way but if you help me, you'd get to yell at Molly maybe."

Barry put the brush down and crossed his legs.

"I'm listening."

"You know how I write scripts, right?"

"Yeah. Nora mentioned you were writing a play…uh…_Clowns Don't Bounce_?"

"Rewriting it. It's been helping but now I'm writing one to help me here but I need someone to read it aloud with me so I can hear how it sounds."

"And you're going to get Molly involved?"

"I'm going to attempt to at least. I can always threaten her with a hammer if she says no."

"Can I be there when that happens?" Barry asked. "I want to see that happen. I think it would be so funny!"

"Sure…whatever you want."

"Awesome."

"Thanks," she replied, giving Barry an actual genuine smile.

"Wait, you mean we aren't doing it now?" he asked.

Jade shook her head. "It's not written yet."

"Well hurry up and go write it already! You've got me all excited!"

Jade couldn't help but smile. While she still hated being here, she knew it was best. She really was getting better being here.


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

* * *

><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Thanks for all the love and support for this story! It really means a lot to me!<p>

Reviews are friends (and they also entitle the review to a free preview of the next chapter)!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 23<strong>

* * *

><p>Beck kept to himself while in Canada for the first two weeks. His aunt and uncle had tried to get him to talk but he didn't want to. He still wanted Jade. He wondered if she even wanted him back after what he said to her.<p>

Beck spent a lot of his time in his room or one the roof where he knew he'd be left alone. But every now and then, he would go into the small town and walk around, just so he was around other people, even though he didn't say anything.

His favorite place in town was ironically enough the grocery store. He got to see foods in there he hadn't had in the longest time, mostly because they couldn't be found in Los Angeles. He couldn't help but splurge a little, which helped to distract him from Jade.

His absolute favorite thing to buy was Oka cheese, something he hadn't had in years but still loved nonetheless. He picked up the small package and went to check out. In front of him was as strange, somewhat balding man wearing the most random assortment of clothes. Beck thought…no, it couldn't. Just couldn't be.

"Sikowitz?" Beck asked. "That you?"

"Beck! What are you doing in Vancouver? Are you here for the coconut festival too?"

Coconut festival?

"There's a coconut festival in Vancouver?" Beck asked.

"Yes, my boy! There's all types of milk from all over the world! But you're not here for that, are you?" Sikowitz asked.

Beck shook his head. Sikowitz could tell that something was wrong. He sat down on the bench outside the store and motioned for Beck to sit down next to him, which he did so. Beck needed to talk to someone about this. He needed to talk to someone that knew Jade and might actually understand.

"Tell Daddy Sikowitz everything."

"Jade's in the hospital…for about two weeks now."

"Sweet, bitter Jade…hospital? Are you sure you don't mean jail?"

"Sikowitz, I'm serious! It's not a joke! She's really in the hospital!"

"Why? What happened?"

Beck looked at his teacher: Sikowitz actually looked legitimately concerned.

"Beck, is Jade alright?" he asked.

Beck shook his head as he looked to the ground.

"What's going on with Jade?"

Beck wasn't sure if he wanted to tell Sikowitz want was going on. He had gone behind Jade's back when he told André, Tori, and Cat, and they were Jade's friends.

"Beck, whatever it is, you know can trust me."

"I know, it' just…it's Jade, you know?"

But maybe talking to Sikowitz would make Beck feel better. They had always gone to him when they had a problem and he somehow either magically solved them, or made them ten times worse, but Beck was pretty sure it couldn't get much worse.

"Can we go somewhere more private? I don't want other people hearing this."

"Well the Asian coconuts aren't until four so that leaves a few hours to kill."

Beck continued to kick a pine cone as he and Sikowitz walked the nature trail.

"So, Jade?" Sikowitz asked.

Beck still wasn't sure if he should be telling Sikowitz this. But he had trusted Sikowitz before so why should this be any different.

"Beck, I'm not your teacher out here but I am concerned. What's going on with Jade?" he asked.

Beck stopped kicking the pinecone and sat down on the ground. He brought his knees close and wrapped his arms around them. Sikowitz sat down next to him. He was concerned for the young man.

"Beck?"

"Jade's been cutting herself so I had to put her in a psychiatric ward and I'm not exactly allowed to visit her right now."

"Why?"

"Because Jade's using me to hide behind the issue. She won't face it. And I never knew. She's my girlfriend, my best friend, and I didn't know this was happening."

"Beck, you can't blame yourself for what's going on with Jade."

"I should have known though!"

"Jade went to incredible lengths to hide this. I don't think she did this to hurt you. I know Jade hurts a lot of people but I don't think she'd intentionally hurt you. If anything, she was probably trying to protect you from it," Sikowitz tried to explain.

"Why though? I keep asking the same questions but I'm not getting the answers."

Sikowitz shrugged his shoulders. He didn't have an answer for Beck for that one.

"I love her but I didn't know what else to do," Beck whispered.

"You know, Beck, in life, we have to make choices and they're not always easy. This might be a difficult time now but it can only get better. Well, it's almost four. You're welcome to join me for the Asian tour of coconuts if you'd like," Sikowitz said. "Or I can stay here if it would help."

"No thanks but thanks for listening and the advice. And when we come back next year, to school, don't ever bring it up. Not even in a drive-by exercise."

"I won't. Not something like this. I'm pretty sure Jade would throw scissors at me if I did."

"Probably. I'd let her too."

"You take care yourself. And Jade too. Whoa, are those African coconuts?" Sikowitz asked as he chased them. Beck just shook his head. Talking to Sikowitz helped, or at least made him feel better.

He tossed the Oka cheese into the car, ignoring that it might have gone bad while he sat and talked to Sikowitz, but he didn't particularly care at the moment. He grabbed his cell phone out of his back pocket and scrolled down until he found Dr. Delphin's number. He needed to talk to Jade's psychiatrist, if nothing else than to reassure him. She picked up on the second ring, much to Beck's relief.

"Dr. Delphin, it's Beck, Jade's boyfriend," he said.

"I remember you, Beck. How are you doing?" she asked.

"I know you said to stay away but I need to know how Jade is. Is she alright?" Beck asked. He was driving himself up the wall not knowing and he couldn't take it. He had to know.

"She's hurting and I know that isn't want to hear but she is coming to terms with everything," Bianca told him.

"Really? Am I doing the right thing for her?"

"Yes. Beck, don't doubt your decision. Jade needed a dose of tough love and while I know it's difficult for the both of you, it's what she needs. She will thank you in the end. Are you holding up alright?"

"I'm not sure. I'm in Vancouver so I wouldn't be tempted to come in."

"You're doing the right thing. Jade will forgive you. I promise. I have to go but you're welcome to call anytime to ask how she's doing if it makes it easier for you."

"Thanks. I will."


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

* * *

><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

* * *

><p>Author's Note: I'm bringing back one my favorite moments of this story! (And no, I'm not mean to Jade here, for once.)<p>

Reviews are friends (and they also entitle the review to a free preview of the next chapter)!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 24<strong>

* * *

><p>It had been well over three weeks since Beck and Jade's fight and Beck had yet to visit. In fact, no one had heard from Beck, which only made Jade worry more. At this point, she just wanted to know that he was okay.<p>

Barry and Evan had done their best to comfort Jade, spending hours in her room as she cuddled herself in the scissor blanket the gang had made her. Jade's room had become the new place for them to talk about their issues, especially since Molly was getting ready to be transferred somewhere else, thanks to Barry, not that Jade minded of course.

"Why make-up?" Evan asked Barry.

"Why not?"

"Make-up is for girls."

"You guys are hilarious," Jade said, smiling.

"Jade, don't you know people, males, who wear make up?" Barry asked.

"Well, yeah."

"You can't ask her. She doesn't count. She goes to a performing arts high school. That doesn't count!"

"Yes it does!"

"No. Get out of my room," Molly said as she walked in.

"It's my room too," Jade stated.

"You can stay; they can't," she replied, motioning to Barry and Evan, but mostly Barry.

"Whatever, let's go out to the living area," Evan suggested.

Jade grabbed the scissor blanket and followed Barry and Evan out of the room, leaving Molly to finish packing. Hopefully by the end of the night, Jade would have that room to herself. She liked Molly less and less with each passing day. The sooner she was out of here, the better.

"How have you dealt with her for almost a month?" Evan asked.

"I'm not sure. I guess I had a lot of shit going on," Jade replied.

"Don't we all!" Barry added.

They sat down on the couch and Jade draped the blanket across her lower half. Well, it was more of Barry and Jade sharing the couch and Evan sitting in the chair across from them since Barry and Jade both decided to somewhat lie down and lounge on the couch.

"The rain needs to stop," Barry said suddenly.

Evan and Jade looked at him strangely.

"Where did that come from?" Jade asked.

"What?"

"What you just said: the rain needs to stop?"

"It needs to stop. I'm tired of being cooped up in this place," Barry explained.

"We're in a pysch ward. Where are we supposed to go?" Evan asked.

"Out."

"Out?" Jade repeated.

"Jade, Jade," Evan said.

"What?" she shouted.

"So these are those friends you made?"

Jade flipped her head around. Cat was smiling at her. Jade threw her arms around her best friend, happy to see them again. She was even happy to see André and even Tori. But deep down, she was sad that Beck wasn't with them. She desperately wanted to see Beck.

"Yeah, that's Evan and this is Barry," she said, pointing to each of them.

The guys each waved their hands, Evan being slightly more guarded with arms. His cuts were out in the open, making him a bit uncomfortable with people he didn't know. He was fine with Barry and Jade seeing them because they knew what it was like. But he didn't know Jade's friends.

"We'll see you later," Evan said, getting up. Not only did he not want to be around people he didn't know, he also didn't want to intrude on Jade's visitation.

"Have fun," Barry added.

"Thanks guys."

Jade smoothed out the main part of her blanket as everyone began to sit down next to her when Barry and Evan left.

"You really like that scissor blanket, don't you?" Cat asked.

"Yeah. I do. Do you guys know where Beck is?" Jade questioned. She was happy to have visitors but no word of Beck made her worried.

"He took off after he met with you. We don't know where he is. He's not at home because we already tried that. And he can't get a hold of Beck. We keep calling his phone but he won't answer," Tori explained.

"We even went to his parents and they won't tell us anything," André added.

"Well, they told us he was safe but I don't think that's what you wanna hear."

"It helps a little," Jade admitted. At least now she knew he wasn't dead.

"So how have you been?" Cat asked.

"I haven't cut since my relapse. I want Beck back. You guys don't understand. I would do anything just to see him right now. I'd give up scissors for the rest of my life just to see him, just to say I'm sorry and I know that doesn't sound like me but that's how much I want him back. I still love him."

"You really miss him, don't you?"

Jade didn't answer. She knew they already knew her answer so why bother saying it? She leaned onto Cat's shoulder and sighed, leaving all the drama to the side.

"I never realized how hard this for you," Tori mentioned.

"I didn't know how bad it was. You guys are going to think I'm crazy but I think I needed to be here. I mean, I'm not happy I had to be here but-"

"It's what you needed," Cat finished.

Jade never thought that she would admit it out loud but she needed this. While she was still angry that Beck still hadn't come to visit and that he had to do this to her, she knew she would have to thank him for this at one point. It was helping.

"I'll be right back. Stay here, okay?" Jade stated.

"Sure," André replied.

Jade went back to her room and dug around until she found the black marker Cat gave her. She came back and sat down by her best friend.

"Draw the butterfly," Jade whispered as she handed it to Cat.

"I'll write Beck's name under for you," Cat said.

"No. Write mine. I need to see my name when I look at it."

"I don't understand."

"It's my fight, not his. I should do it for Beck, but I need to do it for me."

Cat smiled and proceeded to draw one on Jade's wrist. She wrote her name under it once she was done.

"You messed up once and I can forgive you for that but you can't do it again. That's to remind you," Cat stated. "And this-" she drew one on herself and wrote Jade's name underneath "-is to remind you that we're all behind you and we don't want you to relapse again."

"It's like it's an out of body experience when I look back on it. It's like I can see myself doing it but that's not me," Jade explained. "I don't want to be that person."

"Cat, can I see the marker?" Tori asked.

Cat handed the marker to Tori, who took Jade's arm and drew a butterfly on it before writing her name. She then did it to her own arm, but wrote Jade's name instead, just as Cat had done.

"You too, André," Tori said, holding the marker in front of him.

"What?"

"We all did it!" Cat argued.

"Yeah, but you're girls! Butterflies are all…they're girlie!" he countered.

"André, please? For me?" Jade asked. "It would mean a lot to me."

Cat and Tori crossed their arms, silently telling André to either voluntarily do it or they would do it for him. He took the marker and drew the smallest one he could, but it still meant a lot to Jade. She wrote her name on his arm and smiled.

"You guys are awesome," Jade said and then looked at Tori, "Even you."

"We want you to get better," Tori said.

"I know. I want to get better too. I need to get better."


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

* * *

><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

* * *

><p>Author's Note: I know you guys have missed Beck. Just do what I do: dream of him (or of Avan) shirtless. It helps. And you guys are getting spoiled with this many updates this quick!<p>

Reviews are friends (and they also entitle the review to a free preview of the next chapter)!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 25<strong>

* * *

><p>"I want to see Beck," Cat stated as they left the hospital. "Maybe he came home today."<p>

"Cat, we go by there every day. He's not there," André explained.

"So? Either take me to go see Beck or take me to get some Bibble!"

"Let's go to Beck's," Tori said.

"Yeah. I don't think Cat should have anymore Bibble," André added.

"But I like Bibble," Cat stated.

"No Bibble! Do you want your parents to rehire Oliver?" Tori asked.

Cat shook her head. "I wasn't _that_ addicted," she muttered. "That's Beck's car! I can see it!"

"She's right," Tori said. "That is Beck's car."

"Drive faster, André, faster!"

"Alright! Chill out, Little Red!"

"Faster!" Cat shouted again.

"Cat, we're here. We can't go any faster," Tori said.

Cat jumped out of the car and barged into Beck's trailer. She found him lying on the couch, holding a pocketknife.

"Beck, what are you doing with that?" Cat asked softly. Seeing him hold that object scared her.

"It's Jade's," he whispered. "Was Jade's. I just don't understand and I don't think I ever will."

"Where have you been?" she asked.

Tori and André entered the RV, surprised but happy to see Beck back. But why?

"You're back," Tori said.

"I got in earlier today," Beck replied. "About an hour or so ago."

"Where have you been?" Cat shouted at him, unable to contain her anger any longer. Beck didn't tell anyone where he went. He didn't just hurt Jade; he had hurt his friends too.

"Away. I had to."

"You've got to go see Jade, Beck. She's miserable without you," Tori stated.

"No."

"Beck! This is Jade we're talking about it!" Cat screamed. "She loves you and she thinks you hate her and want nothing to do with her! It's not just hurting her! It's hurting me to see Jade like that! She's my best friend!"

"I know but I don't want you telling her I'm back. I've been talking to Dr. Delphin, her psychiatrist, and she's finally starting to get better. I don't want to risk that if she thinks I'm back. I know it sounds like I'm being harsh but that's what she needs now. Dr. Delphin said if she stays on the path she's on, she'll probably be out in the next week or two."

"Really?" she asked.

"I know what I did was harsh but it's helping her and in the end, that's what we wanted for her: to get better. Dr. Delphin asked me to step back with my visits because she noticed that Jade would talk more openly with me and she needed Jade to open up on her own. I can't solve Jade's problems. None of us can. She has to. She's the one who's got to do it."

"So you did this to help her?" André asked.

Beck nodded his head. "She needed help. We just couldn't give it to her. _I_ couldn't give it to her. She's getting better there and she's doing it because I'm not there. The best thing I could do was leave her for a little while."

"That's so mean!" Cat shouted.

"Beck was right though; it was helping her," André pointed out.

"Beck, if you don't see Jade, I will tell her that you're here. I really will. It's not fair to her that you're doing this," Cat said.

"I'm not trying to hurt her. I want her to get better," Beck said.

"Are you sure?" she asked, sniffling.

Cat grabbed a pen off Beck's floor, grabbed his wrist, and starting drawing on it. Beck looked down at his wrist and realized Cat had drawn a butterfly on him and put Jade's name under it. He wanted to see Jade; he honestly did.

"Jade's got them on her arm too. We all drew them, even on us, so she can see that we're supporting her. Stop hurting her, okay?"

"I'm not trying to hurt her, Cat. You know I care the world about Jade. That's why she's there."

"She doesn't think that though. She won't say it out loud to you guys but I know what she's feeling. You can't see how much it's hurting-"

"Cat, we were there. We know she's hurting over this. But she looks like she's getting better," Tori tried to explain.

Cat only shook her head. "I am going to see her tomorrow at four when visitations start, and if you're not there, I'm telling her everything."

Everyone looked surprised at the fact that Cat had pretty much just threatened Beck before walking out of the RV.

"Cat! Where are you going?" André called after her.

"To get some Bibble!" she shouted.

André threw his hands in the air; Tori just shook her head.

"We better go stop her," Tori asked.

"Yeah. I don't want to break up another fight between Oliver and Grandma," André added.

"No you do not. Go get Cat. I want to talk to Beck for a few minutes."

André nodded his head and left the RV, leaving Tori and Beck alone.

"Tori, I know what I did was bad," Beck stated, just to stop the awkward silence that was filling up.

"I don't think it was though. Maybe in the manner in which you did it but Cat's right: you need to see Jade. She's changed, Beck. You not being there did a lot for her, in a good way. Go see her. She asks about you."

Beck nodded his head and smiled at Tori. She smiled back and went to go help André with Cat. They were all right though: he did need to see Jade. Or wanted to at least. But it couldn't be what he wanted. He needed to do what was better for Jade. He didn't want to set her back if she was finally starting to recover. He grabbed his cell phone off the couch and scrolled down to Dr. Delphin's number.

"Is it at all possible to come see Jade tomorrow?"


	26. Chapter 26

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

* * *

><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

* * *

><p>Author's Note: So I'm preparing for things to get thrown at me again but there is something very VERY vital that happens at the end of this chapter and I think you'll be proud of Jade for it.<p>

Also, this is hands down my favorite first line of a chapter.

Reviews are friends (and they also entitle the review to a free preview of the next chapter)!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 26<strong>

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><p>"Fuck off."<p>

"Kristy, not appropriate," Dr. Coulter said. Kristy had been admitted the evening before, due to extreme anger and an eating disorder. And she was not adjusting well.

"Fuck you."

"I remember those days," Jade whispered into Barry's ear.

"Aren't you Miss High and Mighty!" Kristy shouted at Jade. "You think it's easy being here?"

Jade smirked at Kristy. She finally realized just how much fun Barry had antagonizing Molly.

"_I_ never said it was easy."

"My parents hate me. They wouldn't have done this if they really cared," Kristy huffed.

"You're wrong," Jade said softly. "I wished I had parents who did care. My Dad threw me out when he found out, said he never wanted to see me again, and my mom wants nothing to do with me."

"Then let's trade parents."

"Get it through your overinflated head before I pop it like a zit! You have people who care about you! The only person who I thought cared about me hasn't come to visit in over three weeks! How do you think that feels?" Jade shouted. "To think that the one person who did put me here-"

"Jade," Barry said softly. "Calm down."

"It hurts. I would give almost anything to have the support you have because I don't have anywhere to go after this," she whispered, wanting to cry. "I don't really have anyone out there."

"Jade, did you dad actually kick you out of the house?" Evan asked.

Jade nodded her head. "And then Beck doesn't visit. It makes things really hard, you know?"

"You've got us. You're sort of stuck with us really," Barry pointed out.

There was hardly a thing that came out of Barry's mouth that didn't make Jade smile.

"Do you want a relationship with your parents, Jade?" Dr. Coulter asked.

"Doubt it. They've never been supportive anyway so why start now?" she retorted.

"Who else here thinks they have parents that don't support them?"

Jade was surprised when she saw about half the teenagers raise their hands, and even more surprised when she saw Barry and Evan raise their hands. It wasn't just her.

"See? You're not so different from each other after all. You're dismissed."

* * *

><p>Beck walked the all too familiar corridor to Section D as if it was yesterday, despite the fact that it had been close to a month since his last visit. A month without Jade. Beck wasn't even sure how he managed that long. He wondered how Jade had managed to deal with that. They rarely spent time apart and he practically forced them to have to. He wondered how Jade was going to react now that he was back too.<p>

"You came," Cat said when Beck rounded the corner. Beck wasn't all that surprised to see the redhead sitting on the bench. Beck joined her.

"You know I've never seen you threaten anyone but I knew when you threatened me, you were serious."

"I told you: Jade's my best friend and I wouldn't let you hurt her."

Beck smiled. He loved how protective Cat was over Jade; it was actually a bit funny to him.

"Today's going to be tough on her, me being back," he said.

"You're back. She'll be happy."

Beck wasn't so sure. He had said some pretty hurtful things they day he left and he was positive that Jade hadn't forgotten them. He sat down on the bench with Cat and sighed.

"Cat, I said some things to Jade that I'm not exactly proud of and I need to fix that…alone," he said.

"You just want it to be you and her, huh?"

Beck nodded his head.

"Be nice to her," Cat said.

"Don't worry. I will," he promised.

"Good."

As Cat left, Beck looked down at his phone and realized it was four. Visitations had started and now it was time for Beck to right what he had wronged.

* * *

><p>"Jade?"<p>

Jade knew that voice. She turned around to find Beck standing there with a smile on his face. She was caught for a moment. Beck came back…but Beck had left her…but he came back. He sat down on the couch with her, happy to be near her again.

"I'm mad at you by the way," Jade stated very matter of fact like. She kept her distance but she wasn't sure how long she would be able to do so.

"Why? I thought you'd be happy today. I'm here."

"I didn't say that. But you didn't visit. You left and didn't tell anyone where you went. You didn't tell me-"

"Sikowitz technically knew where I was."

Jade's eyes widened. Sikowitz?

"Sikowitz knows about all this?"

"We ran into each other while I was in Vancouver."

"Vancouver? You went all the way to Vancouver? And you told him? I thought I could trust you!"

"It just happened, okay? Jade-"

"Don't Jade me!" she shouted and then her entire expression softened as she wrapped her arms around Beck, unable to resist the urge to hug him any longer. She wanted him to hug her. "But don't do it again. You can't leave me like that again. The last thing we did was fight and I thought you broke up with me. Don't do that again."

"I love you," he said. He kissed her and never wanted to stop but this was not the place to do it.

"Why did you stay away?" Jade asked.

Beck wanted to avoid this subject.

"Tell me," she ordered.

"I can't."

"Yes you can!"

"Jade, I had asked him to stay away. Don't get upset at him for something I asked him to do," Bianca stated as she walked up.

"You knew! You did this?" she shouted.

"He called often to ask how you were doing, to make sure you were alright. Don't for a moment think this was easy for him. It wasn't. I told you that he cared about you."

"You did?" she asked. She looked up at Beck, wanting to find the truth in his eyes.

Beck nodded his head and kissed Jade again. He missed kissing her, being around her, just her in general. The last few weeks had been difficult for Beck. He wanted to be by Jade's side the entire time and it took him a great deal of self discipline to do what was best.

Jade pushed him away. How could he do this to her? Didn't he realize how much she needed him? How having him near made her feel better? She was so caught though: she had Beck back but he had hurt her too. She was such a collision of emotions; she didn't know want to feel.

"I love you so much, Jade. So, so much."

"We both agreed that while he does care for you, the best thing he could for you was to step out of the picture so you would focus on recovering. And it worked."

"You lied to me though. Both of you did. How…why would you do that? How could you do that to me?" she shakily whispered. Jade was hurt by what they did. They lied to her. They wanted her to be honest and they _lied_ to her.

"I had to do what was best for you," Beck explained. "You've got to believe that."

"What's best right now is if you leave because I don't want to see you right now. Not after you lied to me like that," she said stoically. She turned to leave, only to have Beck run in front of her.

"Jade, I didn't want to do this!" Beck practically shouted.

"But you did so…just go," she whispered.

She fled back to her room and grabbed her notebook that had partial scenes from _Big Fake Smiles and Stupid Lies_ in it and started to write what she knew was going to be the roughest scene. As long as she was writing, she wouldn't cut, and that needed to be her focus right now.


	27. Chapter 27

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

* * *

><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

Reviews are friends (and they also entitle the review to a free preview of the next chapter)!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 27<strong>

* * *

><p>"Jade?" Barry asked, poking her.<p>

Jade ignored him. She didn't want to talk or listen. She wanted to be left alone. She hadn't wanted to talk to anyone since she found out what Beck had done the day before.

"Jade?" he sang.

"What?" she shouted, now clearly annoyed and irritated.

"Whatcha doing?" he asked, continuing to poke her.

"Lying on my bed. Is it not obvious? Maybe I should throw a blanket over my head. Would you take a hint then?"

"Not writing your play?"

Jade grabbed her notebook from under her pillow and threw it at Barry.

"I wrote a scene yesterday. Happy? Now leave me alone."

"You need out of this place," he said.

"No shit."

"Let's go," he said. He tossed her notebook down and pulled Jade up and off her bed.

"Where?"

"Out."

"We can't leave the ward."

Barry scoffed. "Like that's ever stopped me. Just do what I do and we'll be out of here in five minutes."

"You're being serious, aren't you?" she asked.

"Does it show?"

That got Jade to smile. Leave it to Barry to make the situation light and funny. She followed Barry out of the room but kept a little distance between them.

"Go into the bathroom and wait by the door. When it's clear, I'll knock and we'll get out of here," Barry explained.

Jade rolled her eyes as Barry walked off.

"Hey, Jade, have you, um…" Evan started before Jade grabbed his shirt and yanked him inside the girls' bathroom with her. She didn't want to risk Evan ruining the potential ploy of getting out of this place, even for a little while.

"The girls' bathroom. Seriously?" he asked. "What the fuck?"

"Shut up! Barry's busting us out for a little bit."

"I'm in," he said, almost automatically. The idea of getting out of Section D, even for a little while, was appealing to all of them. After all, they were teenagers and teenagers didn't like to be cooped up.

"So, what are we waiting for again?" Evan asked after waiting for a whole whopping three minutes. If Jade had any patience for people, it was surely being tested now.

"Barry's checking to see if the coast is clear and then he's gonna knock on the door, letting us know it's clear," Jade explained.

"I can't believe we're actually doing this."

"You know, it works a lot better if you're quiet," she pointed out.

Two minutes later, Barry knocked on the door. Jade quietly cracked the door, only to see Barry motioning with his head on which way to go. She grabbed Evan's shirt and pulled him with her as they ducked down below the nurses' station and snuck out past the double doors of Section D. Jade and Evan followed Barry closely, knowing that it would only be a few minutes before he would have outside the hospital and feeling normal once again.

"I've forgotten what fresh air feels like," Evan admitted as they took their first steps out the door.

Jade didn't even care that she was outside; she was out the psychiatric ward and that was plenty for her. But being outside did feel nice. She missed the warmth of the sun, the breeze in her hair…she didn't realize how much she had been missing out in from being in Section D.

"So this is how you've managed to survive in Section D so long?" Evan asked. "By sneaking out?"

"Yeah. Out here, we just look like regular people," Barry explained. "We are out here."

"It's nice. It makes me feel…I don't know…" Jade started.

"Normal."

Jade looked at Barry and smiled. He knew.

"Barry, how long have you been here?" she asked.

"Almost four months. I don't think I'm getting out any time soon so I figured I might have some fun while I can. I mean, I can probably protest them for the right to leave when I turn eighteen but that's not for a while still. Right now, I'm just thinking of that place as an extended vacation."

"This place is hell. We can't anything," Evan pointed out.

"No, you just haven't figured out how to get away with it yet," Barry claimed.

"I hate it but I'm…I guess a little thankful at the same time. It's really weird for me," Jade said softly.

"How so?" Barry asked.

"I mean, that place broke me down so much the first week or so," Jade said.

"That's the idea."

"But then you start thinking about why you're there and as stupid it is and you actually want to get better. At least that's what happened to me."

"With a lot of drama," Evan added.

"I liked her drama. She's very dramatic. It makes Jade who she is. Besides, it was entertaining."

"Yesterday wasn't. I actually felt really bad for you."

"About what?" Jade asked. A lot had happened the day before, both good and bad things.

"Beck."

"Just leave it alone. What's going on between us needs to stay that way, alright? I know you guys are just looking out for me but I've got to deal with it. On my own."

"How is it that you're allowed to help us with our issues, but we can't help you with yours? Friends are supposed to help each other. What happened?" Barry asked.

Jade rolled her eyes. She knew she could fight with them over this but she would only lose, especially with Barry. "Let's go find a bench."

"Race ya!" Barry shouted as he took off running.

"What are you: five?" Jade called after him.

"Sometimes!"

Jade and Evan broke out laughing as they chased Barry. When Jade finally caught up to Barry, she tackled him to the ground, just to make sure he wouldn't get further away.

"So…Beck?" Barry asked from the ground. Jade's mood changed instantly.

"What about him?" she questioned, leaving as much emotion out of her voice as possible.

"What happened?"

"Tell us," Evan added.

"It's not fun when you guys gang up on me," Jade sighed. "You're not going to let this drop, are you?"

"Now what would be the fun in that?" Barry shouted, punching Jade's arm.

"Beck said some really hurtful things the day after my relapse, which only made me feel worse about everything going on," she admitted softly.

"Maybe he just wanted to get through to you."

"By saying I don't think you want to get better?" Jade argued.

"Let me ask you something: how often do you see us with visitors?" Barry asked.

"I don't."

"Exactly. Okay, so Beck made a mistake, a fucking big mistake, but you shouldn't punish him for that. He came back and he wants to make it better. I know he has to regret what he said to you. He probably regretted it right after he said it. You have to forgive him, especially since he's forgiven you."

"Forgiven me for what?"

"He could have left when he could have found out," Evan pointed out. "Instead, he stayed by you. He got you the help you needed."

Jade hadn't thought about it like that before. Beck did come back and he didn't leave her at the start. He _was_ supporting her. But that still didn't remove all the hurt he inflicted on her.

"We should probably go back. The longer we're gone, the more suspicious they'll get," Barry said.

"Since when you do care if you get in trouble?" Jade asked.

"I don't but you guys…let's go."

"It was fun while it lasted," Evan muttered.

Barry was cautious as he led Jade and Evan back up to Section D. Typically, he wasn't worried about sneaking back in but since he had two other people to deal with, he had to make sure they didn't get caught either. But Barry was a master at sneaking around and had been since he had arrived. Adding two more people to the mix shouldn't have been that much harder. What it really meant was Barry had to more lookouts to watch his back, which anyone sneaking out could use.

"I can't believe we actually did it!" Evan practically shouted as they came in via the back stairwell of Section D.

"I wouldn't be smiling if I were you," Jade whispered, yanking on his arm.

Bianca was standing outside her office, her arms crossed across her chest. She shook her head as she smiled, which confused the three teenagers horribly.

"In my office," she said. "Quickly."

"Busted," Evan whispered.

Jade, Barry, and Evan walked into Bianca's office with their heads down. They were caught and there was no way to deny it. She walked in behind them and shut the door. Silence encased the room for a few minutes before Bianca opened the door again.

"Alright, you guys can go. No more sneaking out. Is that understood, Barry?" she said.

"We're not in trouble?" Jade asked.

Bianca shook her head and smiled at them. "I'll let it slide but Coulter won't. If anyone asked, you were in my office, working on your play and they were helping you. Now get out of here before anyone asks any questions."

"And you're not my psychiatrist why?" Barry asked.

"Because Coulter asked to handle your case, much like I asked for Jade's. Now get out of here and try to stay out of trouble."

"Then how did I get stuck with Coulter?" Evan asked.

"Just go," Jade said.

"You three are something indeed," Bianca said softly as Jade, Barry, and Evan walked out of the office and toward the main living area.

"Did we seriously just get away with sneaking out?" Evan asked.

"Yep," Barry replied. "But only because I was with ya!"

"You're so full of yourself," Jade commented. "Hey, Barry?"

"Yes my scissor loving sister?"

"Thanks. Today was fun. And I needed it. We all needed it."

"Anytime, West."

"And Barry?"

"Yes?"

"Don't ever call me your scissor loving sister again."

"Sure thing my hammer honey!"


	28. Chapter 28

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

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><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

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><p>Author's Note: I can't tell you the number of things I had to edit out of this because of emotional tone. I hope you like it! There's still a little more. Either one or two chapters, I haven't decided yet.<p>

Reviews are friends (and they also entitle the review to a free preview of the next chapter)!

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><p><strong>Chapter 28<strong>

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><p>"Today's going to be our last session," Bianca stated as she walked in.<p>

Jade sat up instantly. "It is?"

"How are you doing today?"

"I don't know if I'm more mad at Beck or at you," Jade said. Even though it had been a few days since Beck came back, Jade was still upset at them. She was so upset that she didn't even want to see Beck when he came for visitations and that was saying a lot.

"For what?"

"Lying to me…still. Why would you do that? I don't get it. You wanted me to be honest and I was but you were lying to me the entire time?"

"Jade, I had to remove him from you. You were hiding behind him and you were never going to get better if he was around."

"He made me feel better!" she shouted. Beck was a security blanket for her. "I hated it here. I still hate it here."

Bianca smiled. What a true statement. "Jade, everyone here hates it here."

"Even you?"

"Sometimes."

"What about the sessions you have to have with us?"

"Some of them, but definitely not yours," Bianca answered confidently.

Jade was convinced that Bianca was lying. "You're just saying that because I'm in here."

"No. You're…interesting. I've never had a patient like you and I'm glad I got the chance to."

"I don't understand. Are you trying to say that you were happy that I came here?" Jade asked.

"I'm glad I got the _opportunity_ to help you."

"I screwed up so much though. I relapsed…I pushed people away…"

"And we dealt with it. Jade, that was a part of your recovery. Look where you are right now. Do you realize how much you've grown over the past month or so?"

Jade shrugged her shoulders; she knew she had changed but she wasn't going to admit it.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I think I finally realized why this all really started," Jade said softly. Writing her play had opened her eyes too. She had to think about the characters and motives and it made her take a good look at herself.

"Why?"

"It's stupid though but with all the stress and disappointment, I didn't know how else to cope with it. I did it once and I realized it made me feel better so that's what I did."

"But you started cutting after you started dating Beck," Bianca pointed out.

"It got worse once I started dating Beck. I don't know why, but it did. Cutting made it…made me…it calmed me down. It took all the stress away. My parents just don't understand it and I don't think they even want you. You did…and Beck…and Cat and André and Tori. You guys did care."

"I am worried about you and the relationship you have with your parents," Bianca stated.

"I don't want to make up with them. They should have cared but instead they left it all to Beck! And don't get me wrong: I love Beck and I'm glad he stepped but he shouldn't have had to do that. He shouldn't have had to take that responsibility! The people that should have supported _didn't_. They don't even care."

"I'm not going to tell you to make amends with your parents. Being a therapist, I should, but in your case, I don't think you should, at least not right now. What I think you _should_ do is cut ties off from them, at least until you can get yourself fully sorted out. You need to get yourself to a place where you can deal with things emotionally and mentally before tackling that issue. You've proven to me that you do that, especially when Beck came back."

"I did?"

"You could have chosen to cut. Instead, while I'm not completely thrilled you fled, you focused on something else. You started writing instead of cutting. _You_ made that choice, Jade, and that is something you should be very proud of. It takes a great deal of strength to not give in."

"But I did the first time, when I first cut. I could have chosen not to that night, when my Dad and I fought…when he yelled at me that I'll never be good to make it. I could have made that choice then."

"Jade, how old were you when that happened? The first time?"

"Do I really have to answer that?"

"Well, you're not leaving my office until I get the answer. How old were you?"

Jade sighed. "I was fifteen."

"So about two years?"

"Two and a half," Jade corrected. "Can I ask a question?"

"Of course."

"These feelings that make me want to cut…I still have them but I don't want to act on them and it's really hard. I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to hurt Beck again. Will they ever go away?"

"Do you want me to be honest?"

"Well, you are my therapist and it would help!"

Bianca smiled at Jade's remark.

"Jade, this is something you are going to be fighting for a while and this isn't an easy battle. You've seen what it can do to you but you will beat this. It'll take time but we've laid out the foundation and you've found ways to deal with the urges. When you relapsed and we found you, you were so scared and terrified; I don't think you'll ever willingly put yourself in that position again."

"You know, I was really upset and angry and hurt when Beck put me here…but now that I look back on it, I'm kind of glad he did it because I think it did save my life. It's stupid that I needed something this harsh to realize how bad it was but…am I really leaving this place?"

Bianca nodded her head.

"Do you really think I'm ready?" Jade asked.

"Is there a part of you that says you aren't?" Bianca questioned. She remembered how hard Jade had tried to get out of here the first few days and now that the opportunity presented itself to her, she was hesitant to take it.

"I don't know," Jade admitted with her head down.

"Jade, if I was to place any kind of cutting instrument in front of you and leave the room, what would you do?"

Jade squeezed her hands together before pulling them apart. "I want it but I know better. I have to choose what's best for me, not the easy way out. And it's difficult. I'd probably pick it up but I wouldn't open it or use it. At least I don't think I would…I'm better than that."

"What do you say we call Beck and let him know the good news? Right now?" Bianca asked.

Jade's eyes lit up. "Really?"

Bianca smiled and proceeded to dial Beck's number into her office phone. She placed it on speakerphone so both she and Jade could be in on the conversation.

"Hello?" Jade was at ease just hearing Beck's voice.

"Hi, Beck. It's Dr. Delphin. How are you doing?"

"Um…I'm fine. How's Jade?" he asked, his voice nervous.

"I'm good, Beck. Thanks," she piped in.

"Well, that's good."

"Jade has some exciting news to tell you. Jade?"

Jade took a deep breath. She couldn't believe she hadn't said this out loud yet. "I'm coming home."


	29. Chapter 29

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

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><p>Summary: When Jade has nowhere else to go, she finds she has to turn to Beck. But in doing this, what will Beck find out about her and how will he deal with it? How far will someone go to take care of the one they love?<p>

* * *

><p>Author's Note: So…we're at the end and I would love to know what you guys think of it. I do have to mention that even though Jade is being released, it doesn't make this issue go away. I will be back on this site with another piece soon (I just have to write it first because all I really have is the last chapter of the first part; it's a trilogy).<p>

A special thank you to all who reviewed. It made me feel really special, especially since I didn't know how this would be perceived since it is a subject people do a lot with Jade. I hope you enjoyed my interpretation and I hope to hear from you guys in the future!

As per my other chapters, reviews are awesome and while I can't give you a preview of the next chapter, if you would like a preview of chapter 1 of my trilogy piece, please let me know! More than happy to oblige!

Also, I have no plans for a sequel. I know many of you want one but I'm not in a place to give it to you.

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><p><strong>Chapter 29<strong>

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><p>Jade was nervous today and she never thought she would be. She'd been waiting for this day and now that it was here, she almost wished it wasn't. She wanted to get out but it honestly scared her a bit. Everything here had been so controlled and out in the real world, she couldn't control much of anything. What if she couldn't handle it?<p>

"Jade, what's wrong?" Bianca asked from the doorway of her room.

"I'm nervous," she replied.

Bianca came inside and sat down on Jade's bed.

"Of what?"

"What if I screw up again? What if I relapse? I can't go through that again. I can't put them through that again."

Bianca shook her head. "You won't. You know how to deal with it. We wouldn't be releasing you…I wouldn't be releasing you if I didn't think you would be alright. You're ready though. You're going to be fine. You've got to trust yourself."

"I know."

"Then do it. Jade, you're strong. You're stubborn beyond reason at times but you're strong and capable of doing this."

Jade gave half a smile.

"Beck is filling out some paperwork up front so when you're ready, grab your bags and come meet us."

Jade nodded her head. She honestly thought she would be more excited than anything: to be leaving with Beck. She remembered the first few days and how she wanted nothing more than to be with him and not be in Section D. She still wanted Beck, but she had apprehensions about leaving this place. What if everything proved to be too much and she couldn't do it? She looked down at her half-written play and smiled. She knew then that she could do this. She had the tools to make it happen.

She grabbed the duffel bag with one hand and her play in the other and walked out of the room and toward the front desk. Just as Bianca had said, Beck was up there, signing paperwork.

"You love me, right?" Jade asked as she slid her arm under Beck's. Beck smiled and kissed her. God, he missed kissing her.

"I will always love you, Jade. I've always loved you."

"I think I understand now," she whispered, leaning against him.

"Understand what?" Beck asked, signing the last form.

"Why you had to put me here and I'm sorry. You shouldn't have had to do this to me. This is all my fault."

"I already forgave you. I shouldn't have yelled at you the way that I had the day after your relapse. It was wrong and immature and stupid to be quite honest. You didn't deserve that. I was angry at you when I really should have been supporting you."

"No, you were right. You saved my life, you know? I mean, none of this would have started if-" Jade started before Beck cut her off with a kiss and enveloped her in a hug. He missed how she felt in his arms.

"What matters is that you're better and I have you back."

"I'm still mad at you though," she whispered into his chest. "For leaving me here."

"For however long you want. I deserve it and I'm okay with it."

"Good because that'll be a while still."

Beck just smiled as he continued to hug Jade. He had Jade back and that's all that really mattered to him. As far as he was concerned, he was never going to let her go again.

"Jade, why don't you go say your goodbyes to Barry and Evan while I talk to Beck for a moment," Bianca suggested.

Beck looked at Bianca worriedly. The last time he talked to Bianca alone, she had asked him to stay away.

"Don't worry, Beck. You get to leave with Jade," Bianca said, sensing Beck's discomfort about the situation. "This will only take a moment."

"It's okay. I think I know what she's gonna talk to you about," Jade whispered. And the surprising thing was: Jade was okay with it. She was okay with Beck knowing. "I'll be right back."

Jade made her way down to Barry's room. She knew Evan would be in there. Barry had been helping him deal with yet another relapse. She knocked on the door and made her inside and sat down between the two guys who had helped to make such a big difference in her life.

"You leaving?" Barry asked.

Jade smiled. "Yeah. Will you at least try to get better and keep each other in line?"

"Yes to the first, maybe to the second."

"Figured as much. You guys are really good friends."

"I'll never stop loving my scissor loving sister," Barry said, giving Jade a tight hug.

"I told you never to call me that."

"Since when do I listen?"

"Never," Evan answered.

"You take care of yourself, alright?" Barry said.

Jade nodded her head and smiled. "I've got a great support system behind me. You reminded me of that."

"Keep them close. They will make a difference in your life, much like you did in ours."

"I made a difference in your life? You only knew me for a month."

"I know. I'm not sure how you did but I know I'll never forget the awesomeness that is Jade West. When that play of yours hits Broadway, I want an invite," Barry stated.

"Done."

Evan wrapped his arms around Jade. "Congratulations." He was proud of Jade. Success was difficult and he was still trying to find it.

"You're next," she whispered.

"Okay," he whispered back.

After another quick round of hugs and goodbyes, Jade made her back to Beck. He was smiling, which made her smile in return.

"Let's get out of here," he said.

Jade nodded her head in agreement. While she was grateful this place had turned her around, although she would never say that, she wanted out of here. She wanted her life back, and thanks to Beck: she did. As they pulled out of the hospital, Jade noticed something.

"Beck?"

"Yeah?"

"This isn't the way to your RV or either of my houses."

"No, we're um…we're going somewhere else. Remember when I told you about how I got all your stuff out?"

* * *

><p>Jade had absolutely no idea where they were going but at the moment, she didn't particularly care. She was happy to have Beck again, relieved to know that he still wanted and cared and loved her. Maybe still a little mad at him for leaving but the for the most part, happy.<p>

"And we're going where?" she asked.

"You'll see," Beck answered.

Jade tossed her head back; she wasn't particularly in the mood for surprises but she knew that if Beck didn't want to tell her something, he wouldn't, and she wasn't in the mood to fight about it. After driving for another fifteen minutes, Beck pulled in to their destination.

"Shadowcreek Apartment Complex?" Jade asked.

"I told you that I didn't want you going back to your Dad's and I know you hate being alone in your Mom's house and frankly my parents didn't approve of you actually living in my trailer with me, so they're agreed to rent us an apartment. They know I'd never give you up."

"Your parents did this? For us?"

Beck nodded his head. He parked the car and handed Jade a key to their new apartment.

"This is a new start…for both of us. I don't want you to worry about what happened in the past. Focus on now because that's where you are. That's where _we_ are."

Beck's grabbed Jade's bag and led her to their new apartment. When he opened the door, the last thing Jade expected to see was a bunch of boxes.

"New apartment?" she asked, a bit of sarcasm evident in her voice.

"I'm still moving in a bit. I thought I'd have a little more time to make it more…homey, I guess," he explained.

"I can help," Jade offered.

"Since when did you get so nice?" Beck asked.

"Well, being in Section D was a bit of a humbling experience…but don't you dare tell anyone that!"

"So what would you like to do tonight? I don't want to make you work on your first night of freedom."

"Can we watching _The Scissoring_?" Jade asked.

"It's already in the DVD player. I made sure to set that up…right after the bed."

"You know me well."

"Well, it is your favorite movie."

Jade grabbed the scissor patterned blanket and sat on the couch, kicking the box on it to the ground. Beck shook his head and sat down next to her. He grabbed the remote and hit play.

"I love you," he whispered.

"Shh, the movie's starting," she replied.

But Beck didn't mind. He was happy to have Jade back and that's all he really cared about.

* * *

><p>"I'm going to bed," Jade stated when the movie ended.<p>

Beck looked at his phone. "It's nine-thirty. Are you alright?"

"Just tired. It's been a long day." It had been more than long; it had been overwhelming for her. Getting released, new apartment, newfound freedom…it was a lot to take in.

"I'll come with you," he said. "I don't mind turning in early."

"No. Look, I know it's going to take time for me to get your trust back but you've got to trust me a little right now."

"I do," he replied and then he got the hint. Jade wanted time to herself. "I'll join you in a little bit."

Jade nodded her head and retreated in the bedroom. She pulled out of one of Beck's plaid shirts and changed into it before climbing under the black covers of the bed. Today had been a day filled with emotions and new starts and it was a little overwhelming for Jade. Stressful even…and she needed to find a way to calm down. She clutched the sheets tightly, balling them with her fist, and buried her head into the pillow. She was having an urge and she didn't want to give in to it.

After trying to fight it for close to an hour, Jade got out of bed and went back to the living room, only to find Beck still lounging on the couch as he flipped channels. Beck immediately noticed her presence as she sat down at the edge of the couch. Jade wanted to be near him. Beck made her feel better, just with his presence.

"Jade, what's wrong?" he asked. He sat up and moved closer to his girlfriend. Jade pushed him away just enough so that she could lie down on top of him.

"It's there," she said softly.

"What do you mean, Jade?"

"That feeling," she whispered.

She was scared of that feeling. She was scared she was going to back to those tendencies that had nearly cost her everything, that nearly cost her Beck. But she couldn't get it to go away. Beck started rubbing Jade's shoulder and placed his other hand in front of her.

"Squeeze," he ordered.

Jade took his hand without even questioning the idea. She needed to distract herself. It would pass in time. It had to.

"It or me?" he asked.

Jade squeezed Beck's hand tighter. Why did this have to be so hard? It shouldn't have been hard; it was supposed to be an easy decision!

"I need you to say it. It or me?"

"You. It'll always be you. Always you," she whispered, tears starting to stream down her face.

With his free hand, Beck pulled back some of Jade's hair, kissed her cheek, and started to wipe away some of the tears. He was proud of her.

"Keep squeezing until the urge goes away. I'm right here. I'll always be here."

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><p><strong>The End<strong>


	30. Chapter 30

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious. Dan Schneider does.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: So I know I told you guys that I wasn't going to write a sequel but that might change in time. I still don't know. This was a really emotional journey for me (and for a couple of chapters, really scary for me to deal with) and it took a lot out of me and my best friend was sort of ready to kill me when she found out I wrote this so the idea of a sequel is really up in the air. I sort of like living…<p>

I knew shortly after finishing the last chapter that I should do an epilogue but I had no idea how to approach it or what it would be about but I came up with this and should I end up writing the sequel, I'll have something to get me started on the next part of Jade's journey.

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><p>Epilogue<p>

* * *

><p>Jade West walked the still very familiar halls of Section D. It had been a year since she'd been released but she still remembered this place like the back of hand.<p>

She remembered where she and Beck had their first visitation. She remembered the bathroom stall where she had her relapse.

But it wasn't all bad. This place had made her look at herself and made her grow up. It made her a better person. She didn't have to resort to slicing herself open to relieve herself. She was in a better place, mentally and emotionally, thanks to the tough love she received while being here.

"I'm looking for Bianca Delphin," Jade said to the nurse at the front desk of Section D.

"She's in her office. I'll show you," the nurse replied.

"It's alright. I know the way. I've been here before," Jade replied.

She wasn't a patient here, at least not any longer, and didn't want to even be reminded of it. But as crazy as it was, she wouldn't take back the experience of being here. She learned a lot about herself. She had grown a lot, especially in the emotional aspect.

After taking a deep breath, Jade knocked on Bianca's door. It almost felt weird to her; as a patient, she sort of just walked in each time but she wasn't a patient anymore.

"Come in."

Jade took another deep breath before turning the handle and walking into Bianca's office. Bianca was sitting at her desk, writing in a file, presumably for another patient.

"Do you have a few minutes?" Jade asked.

"Jade. I didn't expect to see you here again."

"Are you busy?"

"Not at all. What brings you by?"

"I have something for you," Jade said. She handed Bianca a copy of her play, the one she had started to write while being committed to Section D.

"_Big Fake Smiles and Stupid Lies_," Bianca read.

"I finished it and I wanted you to have a copy of it. To remember me by…so you would remember how much you helped me, even though I fought most of the time. I know there's probably a lot we left unanswered about me but that play's got the answers, at least some of them. I'm still figuring some of them out myself."

"I told you this was a battle."

"Read the dedication on the first page," Jade ordered. That dedication was important to her. Jade wasn't one to typically say thank you but she needed to here.

"To Beck Oliver and Bianca Delphin, the two people who changed me for the better. Thank you," she read. "You're welcome, Jade."

"It's getting produced and I'm directing it. It's a really small theatre but I want you to be there," she said. She handed Bianca a ticket. "Opening night. First row. I wouldn't be here if…well…"

"How have you been?" Bianca asked, changing the topic for Jade's sake. She could tell that this entire incident was still difficult for Jade to talk about, even though it had been a year.

"Okay I guess. Happy. I'm engaged," she replied, showing Bianca the ring. "It's a bit crazy but I'm doing alright."

"Have you relapsed at all? I know that was a huge concern when you left."

"Once," she whispered. "I'm okay though."

"What happened?"

"It's weird. Beck's parents have really stepped in when we've needed them to. It's almost sad that his parents are the ones taking responsibility and making sure we're okay and everything and my parents don't even care. My Dad doesn't care. We had a fight and I just lost it with him and I just couldn't deal with everything around me and I broke down…but it only happened once. The weird thing was I was more upset than Beck was. I let myself relapse, no one else. You were right about cutting them off though. If they don't understand that I'm still healing and dealing with everything, I don't want them around. All they're going to do is stress me out and I can't let myself get that way. That's what started this whole mess. They don't even know about the play and I'm actually okay with it."

"When did all this happen?" Bianca asked.

"Ten months ago. I still have those moments where I don't know if I can deal with it all and I just remember that Beck loves me and you want me to succeed and my friends do too. Sometimes taking it moment by moment makes it easier. I also told Beck that if I ever tried to go back to…_before_…that he needed to bring me back here."

"I never thought I'd be hearing you say that. Being here really helped you, didn't it?"

"You're not allowed to tell anyone that. Beck's the only one who's allowed to know that. He even made me sign a contract so I can't take it back."

"It sounds like you're in a much better place."

"I am."

"You're going to do one thing for me before you leave here though," Bianca said. Jade raised her eyebrows as Bianca grabbed her copy of the play and a pen. "You're going to sign this and by signing it, you're promising me and everyone that cares about you that you will not let yourself go back to those tendencies."

"No pressure, right?" she joked even though she knew it was serious.

"You've come far, Jade, but you know it's not over."

"It'll take a while. I know that. It's like acting or writing in a way."

"How so?"

"You only get better at it if you keep going," she said softly.


End file.
